• Rentlar@lemmy.ca
    492·
    12 days ago

    Those are yucky comments anywhere other than an lemmynsfw community or a community with a suggestive name. I can’t glean much context from this screenshot of the post but in general, I believe horniness should be kept to horny online places.

    We can and should do much better than that.

  • Th4tGuyII@fedia.io
    444·
    12 days ago

    Related to the previous posts bit, but I remember first seeing the Man vs. Bear memes.

    I’ll admit it was hard not to take it personally at first, because even if you agreed with the core of the message, it feels like you’re being lumped in with the worst of menkind for no good reason. That’s probably why the reaction was so toxic, because people just replied with their gut reaction, which was to take offence…

    But upon giving it a bit of thought, I realised that as a guy who’s lived in some dodgy areas, I think I too would oftentimes prefer to take my chances with a bear than alone with a stranger at night - not cause I think I’d beat the bear, but at least you know what the bear’s probably gonna do…

    And if I feel that way being a man, then considering (on average) women are weaker than men of the same build, I can see why women would feel that way too.

    • Dragon Rider (drag)@lemmy.nzEnglish
      264·
      12 days ago

      Indian metal band Bloodywood has the best take on the “all men” issue:

      Not all men?
      Yes all men!
      Need all men for what we’re solving
      Can’t be what it’s been but we’re evolving

      The patriarchy privileges every man, which means every man needs to fight the system. If every man who hears the message and isn’t an abuser stands up and does something, we can end the patriarchy. It’s not “every man is guilty”, it’s “every man is responsible, and we can end it together.”

      And the rest of the song is about punching rapists.

    • Lumelore (She/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      15·
      12 days ago

      it feels like you are being lumped in with the worst of menkind for no good reason.

      Before I realized I was trans I also got super upset at being lumped in with bad men (although with an additional different reason that I didn’t understand at the time), and that feeling is absolutely terrible, because you’re basically getting shit on just for existing.

      From my perspective as a woman it seems like there are a lot of shitty dudes out there. After I realizing I’m trans it became a lot easier to notice misogyny since it now affects me. I did notice before, but when something affects you specifically you notice it a lot more. I also didn’t fully understand how weak women are compared to men until I started taking estrogen. Just being near a man I don’t know well or at all is very scary because of how easily he could overpower me.

      If I am getting a random bear vs a random man I would definitely take the bear just because I feel like the risk of getting a bad man is too high. If I could pick a specific man, I definitely would pick my father or a friend because I know they are good men and I feel safe around them.

      I think some outrage could have been avoided if the question was worded just a bit better, although I think part of why it got so popular is because of the outrage it caused.

    • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
      102·
      12 days ago

      hell yeah dude. it’s an uncomfortable conclusion to draw, but it’s an uncomfortable reality we live in.

  • Wutchilli@feddit.org
    29·
    12 days ago

    Love getting the wakeup call that just because something is part of the fediverse it is not inherently good or perfekt and still needs work (in regards of the humans that join)

  • kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    211·
    12 days ago

    I feel like it depends on the instance, .world is mostly male liberals (who will occasionally act sexist) while Blahaj.zone is mostly Transfem :3

    (Btw I wouldnt tolerate any of those comments on c/Trans)

    • 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.caEnglish
      4·
      12 days ago

      i seriously think i have to revisit who im attracted to because cis-women sometimes just don’t vibe with my lifestyle anymore. I’ve been online for too long and its changed my personality. I have had relationships with women who would find these comments funny and acceptable, and i would kinda go “eugh” at them and second guess my feelings.

  • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
    203·
    12 days ago

    i miss [bigotry showcase] it made me feel like i was on the sane part of the internet

    • StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      2·
      11 days ago

      Reminds me of the days of circlebroke and srs. It was always nice realizing that I wasn’t alone in thinking the comments of a post on my frontpage were rancid.

      I’d offer to maintain something similar myself but I know myself well enough that it would slip my mind after a few weeks.

  • lseif@sopuli.xyz
    13·
    11 days ago

    thats what happens when you build a community with a large percentage of shut-in nerds and software devs (speaking as one of the latter)

    • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
      7·
      11 days ago

      yeah, i try to think of it as an opportunity. i usually try to focus my efforts on encouraging growth and recognizing the hurt thats caused.

    • MBM@lemmings.world
      5·
      11 days ago

      This is essentially why I’d like more “normies” here
      (or option 2: maybe I should just avoid online spaces with the (sexist/weird) kind of people I avoid IRL)

  • Pasta Dental@sh.itjust.works
    133·
    12 days ago

    What happens when you group all chronically online nerds in one place (twice not going outside and talking to girls)

    • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
      211·
      12 days ago

      tbh put some respect on the name of chronically online nerds- that describes like a ton of my friends who would never say this shit lmao

      these guys are like a really sad subsection of that group

        • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
          2·
          11 days ago

          i mean… might.

          men with wives and girlfriends can also participate in misogyny. i think the blanket association of sexist man=incel isn’t as constructive as confronting the hurtful behavior head on.

          • 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.caEnglish
            2·
            11 days ago

            i mean, i haven’t participated in sex in over a year and i don’t need to go online to harass women, your right.

    • 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.caEnglish
      3·
      11 days ago

      I’m Terminally online and don’t talk to girls. I know that its fucking disrespectful to talk like that.

    • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
      9·
      12 days ago

      it’s the full plural “italians” like in the madonna music video

  • Gamma@beehaw.orgEnglish
    7·
    12 days ago

    Comments like those make me glad for my instance, I very rarely see anything like them

  • MBM@lemmings.world
    71·
    11 days ago

    I’m glad that every time I see a “girls are boring/well-adjusted, boys are quirky” meme format someone has already commented on that, but it always comes with multiple “it’s just a meme dude, don’t overthink it” responses.

  • 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.caEnglish
    1·
    12 days ago

    i fail to understand how i am very respectable when i try to find a girlfriend yet this misogyny is widely celebrated by some men and some women find it acceptable. is somthing wrong with me?

    • jerakor@startrek.website
      121·
      11 days ago

      Women are not a monolith and not all admiration of physical attributes is misogyny.

      If you see it as work or effort to not post online about random peoples physical attributes when you see a picture of them, then yea you should look at yourself a bit. It shouldn’t feel like you deserve a reward for not being like that.

      • 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.caEnglish
        2·
        11 days ago

        I don’t feel like i diverse a reward, and if the comments are reserved to a place where it’s consensual, i don’t see an issue. but imagine your picture was being shared online and people who have no idea are, make comments like this about you? wouldn’t you feel a bit upset about that?

        • jerakor@startrek.website
          6·
          11 days ago

          Yes, that is absolutely unacceptable. But that has nothing to do with your personal situation and I would say it is unhealthy to relate the two.

            • jerakor@startrek.website
              4·
              11 days ago

              You have a common and problematic view of things. You asked if you are doing something wrong, it looks like you probably are. I’d advise you question your worldview a bit and talk honestly with folks you feel you can respect on how they got from where you are to where they are.