Do the castanza thing, don’t show up. Day after just goto work and act like nothing happened.
While simple, it can honestly be kind of fun to just go in and let them know. When I was recently laid off, it went something like this.
HR: “I know this might be a shock–”
Me: “Yeah, you’re letting me go, I know. Here’s my work laptop and badge, I’ve got all my stuff in a box outside, what do I sign? Trying to catch the next train home, so I have like 20 minutes.”
It totally threw off my boss and the HR lady trying to do their sombre, dignified thing, and was pretty funny to watch.
My dad just got diagnosed with cancer, I just bought a house, I was at a conference in San Francisco and my boss cornered me before the flight home saying i was being laid off. They literally don’t care.
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Guy was asking for the rest of the story. Not really that interesting: finished out a month at that company as “handover,” got a month severance pay, used those two months to look for a new job. Got one.
I found out I was having my second child when they told me. I found a better job during the in between time so it was fine for me.
Oh a gift to the boss for allowing you to have this opportunity would be the cherry on top.
and also: you just got diagnosed with cancer but your doctor thinks you’ll be okay because your employer provided health insurance is going to get you the medicine you need to beat the cancer.
My dad used to brag about those situations being great cause it meant you had the salesperson that worked for you by the balls and wouldn’t have to care about raises or bonuses for them or treating them well cause you knew they needed the job badly.
He was a fucking asshole.
- wear a T-Rex costume
- refuse to elaborate
- leave
This is accidentally so true for German learners when it comes to German verbs.
vögel vs vögeln gang
They wouldn’t care.
Just change an important password somewhere, have an important file/tool at home somewhere, or make yourself unmissable in any other way.
Or at least send a giant corporate mail to everyone stating all the nasty shit the company has done over the years you worked there.
Show up 3 hours early so they also have to pay you overtime.
Nah, then they can fire you for unauthorized overtime, working outside of scheduled hours, whatever billshit they want. The you don’t get unemployment benefits.
At least if you’re laid off, you can collect unemployment which also raises the amount the employer has to pay in premiums.
They were wrong to assume their employer has feelings
Call out sick, then delete everything including the backups
Make sure you do this in a non identifiable way. This is illegal and you can get fucked. Do not have it associated with your account at all.
it’s not that hard to pin the blame unless you do it months in advance
Or delayed
The secret bash file hidden in a corner that is waiting for the cron job
Twist: they chicken out and your only friend at work gets fired
In case you missed it…
My baby left me and my mule got lame
Lost my money in a poker game
A windstorm came just the other day
Blew the house that I lived in away… …so, boss, what did you want to see me about?A keylogger on the back of the boss’ computer? A hardware VPN backdoor to the company’s network? Oh maybe bring a flash drive full of malware and viruses and just drop it in the break room?
Please don’t do this, you will be tried and probably end up in prison. There must better ways to be petty that won’t give you problems with police and judicial system.
I was involved as a witness in two cases like this, not only it creates problem for you but a lot of other people as well.
Fill the curtain rods with fish. It’ll take a few days for the smell to start, and weeks before anyone even thinks to check the curtain rods.
You didn’t hear this from me, but I hear a lot of cubicle corners have removable caps that can make a great storage place for all kinds of interesting things.
You’ll want to wipe that for prints, just to be clear
