• Aurenkin@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    492·
    11 months ago

    Oh shit, is that a sign of ADHD? This happens to me a lot and it’s really tough to overcome, I end up jumping between tasks to do something else, remember the important scary thing, stare at it for a bit then task bounce again.

        • peopleproblems@lemmy.worldEnglish
          21·
          11 months ago

          ADHD: Your memory is now crap and little shots of dopamine hit with new things, causing concentration to change unwillingly.

          GAD: Notice all the things and above all fear everything, especially what will interrupt me next

      • Norgur@kbin.social
        62·
        11 months ago

        So it’s certainly a sign of anxiety but not necessarily ADHD? That’s what you said there. It’s not necessarily either.

      • ParsnipWitch@feddit.deEnglish
        211·
        11 months ago

        I am not sure if laziness really exists. But there are countless reasons why someone can have this issue. Additional ones are: a physical lack of energy (nutrition deficit, sleep deficit, etc.), decision or option paralysis, problems handling emotions, trauma, …

      • AnarchoSnowPlow@midwest.socialEnglish
        161·
        11 months ago

        Idk, my parents and teachers were 100% sure it was laziness for years, they didn’t seem confused about it at all. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed as an adult in college that there was any confusion.

  • Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.mlEnglish
    281·
    11 months ago

    I’m really liking the posts along these lines because there’s so much associated with ADHD that I haven’t been aware was part of it and it’s so accuratly described here. There’s kind of this sense of living like a double agent or something, except in that scenario the person knows what it is they’re hiding. I’ve gone through life having unconsciously learned that the actual reasons I do things aren’t acceptable or at least not explainable so I’m always having to improvise something more plausible or different. It’s sorta like lying, but not exactly, but there’s the ever present fear that I’ll be exposed for… something.

    I almost feel like this life time of training would actually have helped me really be a secret agent if only all the other symptoms of ADHD weren’t completely debilitating and would sabotage such work terribly.

    • Sharkwellington@lemmy.oneEnglish
      10·
      11 months ago

      It’s sorta like lying, but not exactly, but there’s the ever present fear that I’ll be exposed for… something.

      I think what you’re looking for is “masking.”

    • peopleproblems@lemmy.worldEnglish
      19·
      11 months ago

      I prepare 45 minutes before, then 15, then 5 and then I’m late and my prep was useless.

      One day though I’ll be a star

    • Great Blue Heron@lemmy.caEnglish
      12·
      11 months ago

      I’m so lucky that rarely had to work in an environment with daily stand ups. One time I did and I kinda managed for a few months until one day I just had “an episode” and got up and walked out saying “sorry, I can’t do this”. I was also very lucky to be working for an employer who supported me through the following weeks of “sick” leave and a role change.

      • pomodoro_longbreak@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        4·
        11 months ago

        That’s amazing, I’m so happy it turned out ok.

        Since my current team’s timezone is all over the place, we do our standup async via text, so it’s not so bad. But still having to explain “What did you get done yesterday?” to the Slackbot at the beginning of my day is not always a great feeling.

      • agent_flounder@lemmy.worldEnglish
        11·
        11 months ago

        This is pretty good. I remember seeing it a while ago.

        Realizing I had all this wall – emotional stuff – in the way was a help. I could see what problem I actually had to solve first.

        I find it helps to analyze what I am feeling and why and kind of talk through it.

        And sometimes looking at the initial steps of getting started helps. If I can get started on one or two simple actions it is often enough to get over the hump and keep going.

        E.g. I have this report to write ugh …but let’s see… The first thing is I just need to open Visio and then the next hard thing is to find the architecture diagram…so maybe just open up that one team website cuz it might be there. So I go and do that and now I’m locked into finding the diagram, then starting to work on it for the report, and I can go step wise from there.

        A big problem is just having the “juice” to start. If I haven’t exercised in a while and am falling into depression, forget it. It’s almost impossible. Whereas it is much easier if I am feeling good due to regular exercise.

        My Rx helps, especially in the morning about 20-30 minutes after taking it. If I don’t waste it on goofing off lol.

  • illiterate_coder@lemmy.worldEnglish
    19·
    11 months ago

    I don’t know if it helps, but this is not really a lie, and you shouldn’t feel bad about saying it. You have your own reason for not being able to do something you committed to. Someone else might have a different reason that is equally personal that they don’t want to share. “I forgot and I’m sorry” is a socially acceptable way to take responsibility without sharing specifics and potentially making someone else feel confusion or pity.

    You can still work on the “why wasn’t I able to do the thing I felt I needed to do” without worrying about “why wasn’t I honest about my reason”.

    Just my two cents though.

    • blargerer@kbin.social
      521·
      11 months ago

      basically no symptom of ADHD is exclusive to ADHD. But as a rule, executive dysfunction as described here will happen much more frequently and for much more mundane tasks for people with ADHD when compared to people without.

    • Promethiel@lemmy.worldEnglish
      11·
      11 months ago

      It’s not exclusively an ADHD, neurotypical, OR neurodivergence trait. Severity and effects on life matter. It can be a trait associated with a myriad of executive dysfunction disorders (e.g. Autistic Inertia), ADHD, anxiety, and some personality disorders as well. Finally, an otherwise mentally neurotypical person will behave the same way given a big enough stressor.

      Severity and effects on life, that’s the first measure to look at before asking “But everyone is like X or Y, sometimes”.

    • virku@lemmy.worldEnglish
      71·
      11 months ago

      I get like this with some spesific tasks. Other related tasks I breeze through quickly, but when I get reminded about the one I struggle like this with I just freeze.

      As far as I know I am what they call neurotypical but I do wonder if I have some attention defisit at times.

      • agent_flounder@lemmy.worldEnglish
        6·
        11 months ago

        Attention is really another aspect of executive function along with self motivation.

        No doubt everyone sometimes struggles to get motivated to start something, once in a while. And no doubt people sometimes find it hard to focus on a thing. Or have trouble shifting their focus from one thing to another.

        With ADHD, these and the many other symptoms tend to manifest quite frequently and have a significant impact on all areas of your life. Your career suffers, your relationships suffer, etc.

    • Iron Lynx@lemmy.worldEnglish
      5·
      11 months ago

      as someone whose diagnosis focusses on ASD with no specific reference to ADHD, this is still familiar.

      My coverup is “I couldn’t find the opportunity” to people who know, and “it left my mind” to outsiders

    • naught@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      31·
      11 months ago

      It is a neurodivergent thing when it greatly impacts your life and happens frequently, basically.

      Could be PDA which typically leans more toward autism disorders. There is also ODD which presents similarly to ADHD.

    • Caradoc879@lemmy.worldEnglish
      174·
      11 months ago

      Normalize not demanding explanations, and start accepting ‘I just couldn’t’ as a valid answer. Don’t let normie neurotypicals define what is "Normal’.

      • Kepabar@startrek.websiteEnglish
        113·
        11 months ago

        That’s not really an answer.

        The things that make people feel/act this way are typically the really important stuff that has to get done or else there are consequences.

        We can’t just accept ‘i just couldn’t’ in many of these situations.

        • Caradoc879@lemmy.worldEnglish
          82·
          11 months ago

          But sometimes "I just couldn’t ’ is the answer. You dont mad that a fish can’t climb a tree. First you ask why the fish needs to be in the tree. And then if it really does, you help the fish get into the tree. Standing behind it shouting words of encouragement or tgreats mean nothing when a fish can’t climb. Far too often people get caught up so much on blaming and shaming people for mistakes or failures that it turns relationships sour and the original problem still doesn’t get solved.

          • Kepabar@startrek.websiteEnglish
            47·
            11 months ago

            I am not qualified to help you with your issues.

            Either find a way to work through your issues or don’t take on responsibilities that you can’t handle.

            I know it sounds harsh, but I don’t have the tools to help you myself.

            • Caradoc879@lemmy.worldEnglish
              56·
              11 months ago

              Lol i love you you completely prove my point. Like a true neurotypical lol. “It’s NoT mY JoB To heLP YOu! JuSt FuCkInG Do IT yOU lAzY SAck oF ShiT!”

              That’s what you fucking sound like.

              • BluesF@feddit.ukEnglish
                9·
                11 months ago

                I appreciate where you’re coming from, I have ADHD too, but it’s true that if the answer is “I can’t do that” and “that” needs to be done… Then I shouldn’t be the one whose responsibility it is to do it. I’ve taken on more responsibility in my current job than I can handle, and that was a huge mistake. It is not on my employer to just put up with that because I’m neurodivergent, obviously they have a role to play in supporting me but I also need to understand what my limits and strengths are and work within them.

              • Kepabar@startrek.websiteEnglish
                71·
                11 months ago

                It’s being a realist.

                If I have to drag you through a task because you aren’t capable of doing it then it’s easier to just not give it to you to begin with and do it myself.

                • Caradoc879@lemmy.worldEnglish
                  23·
                  11 months ago

                  Thats a real team-based solution focused attitude lol. Nowhere did I say “do it for them”. I said help them. Because hey guess what, sometimes people can’t do things by themselves. Like I said, standing behind someone and going “just do it” doesn’t work. If they need help they need help. And yeah, at some point if they can’t do it, they can’t do it, and you need someone else to do it.

                  The key is finding responsibilities and roles that fit the disability. I struggle with the day to day chores, but I also have no problem with scheuled big, non-daily projects like deep cleaning or yard work or whatnot that i can hyperfocus on for 6 hours. It’s all about strengths and weaknesses and finding people and jobs that are compatible.

                  Nothing you’ve said I inherently disagree with, your tone is just so aggressively dismissive and accusatory.

    • EatYouWell@lemmy.worldEnglish
      9·
      11 months ago

      You’re not the only one. My shrink says it’s pretty common for adults to break down and cry after getting their diagnosis, because it’s confirmation that there’s something actually wrong and they’re not just a lazy sack of shit.