This website is satire and best viewed with a healthy dose of skepticism and a strong sense of humor.
what a disappointment
I’m sure they will get their fair share of people taking it seriously, even though it’s satire
They should just put 😉 at the end
https://stealmytesla.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/0_0-1.jpg
That thumb has a foreskin. AI generated images are still hilarious
Also they appear to be $1 bills so that’s the cheapest bribe anyone has ever taken.
So long as only victims are insurance companies and Tesla, I am okay with it. To be fair, they kinda deserve it.
Well, no, it’s all of us, because of how insurance works. Payouts go up, premiums go up. As long as the number of destroyed Teslas is a drop in the ocean we won’t notice, but lots of companies love a good excuse to put prices up and this is just handing them a gold plated excuse on a silver platter.
Well, they’d put the premiums up on tesla owners as the cars now carry increased risk.
Yes of course that’d be their primary source. But if that doesn’t cover all the payouts then it’ll lead to a general increase in insurance premiums for everyone.
At least I’d be getting charged more for a real thing and not the normal made up reasons behind price hikes.
I honesty don’t think vandalism is covered under a lot of insurance policies.
Also I have yet to see a vandalized Tesla. It would be pretty silly for you to go vandalize a car as that’s not something you want on your criminal record.
Just a reminder that insurance is a scam. You are compelled to pay for it under penalty of law in the case of car insurance, and the insurance companies do everything possible to maximize their profits, being for profit companies. What this means in general is that people pay more into insurance than they ever get out. If they didn’t the insurance companies wouldn’t make a profit. The money you pay isn’t going into some huge fund that supports everyone who pays for it. If it doesn’t go to paying out claims now it goes straight to the insurance executives, or investors, or to “lobbying” politicians to keep the racket going. The day you stop paying out you get fucking nothing. All that money is just gone, for the pleasure of maybe having your claim paid out if your insurance company can’t weasel their way out of paying. Insurance is a scam, a bunch of penny pinching middlemen draining the world of human productivity and effort for their own benefit and nothing else. Any benefit a particular individual happens to get is a loss to be minimized to them.
Insurance is very much needed. If there weren’t that many reckless drivers then insurance would be cheaper.
I wish we had the same thing as in Singapore. Their cars literally cannot go over the speed limit.
But yes, when insurance is basically required to have, then it’s good to start having government participation in it. The government needs to be the majority stakeholder, as it also provides all of the customers.
being for profit companies
I think the approach in Australia is a bit better - bodily injury coverage is provided by the state and is part of the registration fee for the car.
It’s not perfect and only covers injuries to people, and does not cover repairing cars (you need to get separate insurance from an insurer for that) but it’s a good first step I guess. It means that as long as your car is registered, medical costs for both you and anyone you hit are covered.
I’m also Australian and what this person is saying is true
I beleive its called “CTP” or “compulsory third party insurance” if I recall correctly
You can get additional optional car insurance in Australia as well
Yeah, CTP. I never drove or owned a car in Australia so I’m glad I got it right haha. I lived in Melbourne and used public transport all my life. I didn’t learn to drive until I moved to the USA.
It would be a scam if you couldn’t choose the company. However, you have plenty of options. Insurance also encourages better driving since things like tickets can cause price increases. There are some privacy concerns with insurance but that is a separate issue.
Oh and the whole concept of an excess. So I have to pay to have my car insured but if the damage to my car is less than a certain amount I have to pay for it? What’s the point of the insurance then.
My car is probably worth less than the excess anyway so if it was a total write-off I’d get a maybe five hundred for it, and that’s it
I scares me the number of people willing to commit insurance fraud. I’ve had friends who would do things like park there car in a hail storm.
I mean, the environment is also a victim in that case
Insurance companies are never the only victim. They just pass the pain forward.
Committing insurance fraud is honestly pretty questionable from a ethics perspective. You are cheating the game at the cost of everyone else. Why are people ok with this now in 2025? In the last few decades it as become socially acceptable to cheat the system for your own gain.
I fully support the arrest and prosecution of those who commit insurance fraud. Same goes for companies who cheat there workers out of pay.
Would you/do you support what happened during the Boston tea party? I think we all like law and order, but under the current regime, justices are being found dead from mysterious causes. It’s hard to say it’s the same system of law we’re used to.
I think we all like law and order
Have you never met any anarchists?
Recently, actually. They have no idealogical allies, no plan, no nothing. They’re not a voting block anyone cares about, nor do they have any actual positions to argue. I do not take their opinions seriously.
They definitely do have positions and beliefs. I am not sure how much you actually understand anarchism. Anarchist “nations” have even been established before, but they tend to get invaded sooner or later. While they do sometimes ally with Marxists you would be correct in thinking they have few permanent allies. Hence the getting invaded part I guess.
I’m willing to admit that I don’t know a lot about anarchism. I’ve tried to learn more when I have the opportunity to talk to someone about it, but I never get anything insightful.
I’d love to know more about how an anarchist society could work.
Honestly your asking the wrong person here. I would suggest maybe starting with Krapotkin or Bakunin who were some of the early anarchists. That or just looking up anarchist philosophy and history. Anarchists have a history fighting against both fascism and some marxist tendencies like the Bolsheviks.
Nice idea, but Teslas are jampacked with cameras.
Teslas are jampacked with cameras.
Which will show a masked figure of weirdly indeterminate height (possible wearing hidden plateau shoes) setting fire to it in the middle of the night, how curious 🤔
(possible wearing hidden plateau shoes)
the cops will never single me out with my super discreet Tesla stompers
*evil villain laugh*
and the looong hat
Or just do ot old school like they did in medieval Europe with flaming arrows while out of sight of the cameras
I wonder what fire does to the SD card on which the camera footage is stored?
(Its only uploaded to tesla servers when the car is connected to the internet)
Are you able to disconnect a Tesla from the Internet? You could forget your Wi-Fi network, but basically every car made after 2015 has an LTE modem
be a shame if it caught fire while you were camping in a remote location with no cell service
These gosh darn libs came out of the woods wearing masks and carrying molotovs and afterwards they gave me lentil beans and rice and a rainbow flag it was miserable
Chainlink blanet’ll do it
Signal jammers?
My parents have brought a new car and the internet connection thing is super unreliable. It’ll say it’s in a dead zone when it’s just parked in the driveway and I have full signal bars on my phone.
Sometimes claims not to have a signal when it’s in the local supermarket car park and the supermarket car park literally has a cell tower in it.
You just know a dealership is going to get caught setting it’s own Teslas on fire. That is going to be the free space on many 2025 Bingo cards.
It’s actually just a convenient software update.
Download the update, start the engine, and run away
This is the only good use of a Tesla now, IMO. Get it fully insured, then go park it in a dark alley near a popular area. It’ll get torched before too long. No fraud involved with setting your own car on fire…
Then use the money to buy something that’s not made by a Nazi.
Man a shitty lining to this cloud is the kids that had to mine the lithium for the batteries into useless cars.
I think you’re thinking of Cobalt? Lithium mainly is mined in big industrial facilities in Australia and Chile. Not like cobalt wich was in the news for being mined by hand, including with children.
However “new” Lithium Iron Phosphate (LFP) batteries go without cobalt and other rare earth materials (not actually rare btw). Most electric cars use these batteries nowadays including many Teslas.
I just think it’s bizarre that Magnetite is considered a rare mineral. It’s literally cheaper than lead
I didn’t know this, thanks for taking the time to inform
It’s a step in the right direction. It won’t stop the countries we exploit from being exploited. But if Tesla goes bankrupt it is one less large company exploiting the global south. And arguably the worst when it comes to Cobalt.
“Sir/madam, (sadam) your conviction slowly steeling and your hands steadying themselves before you finally threw the bottle was heartening, but why did you come directly out of your own house to do it? Claim rejected.”
Eventually one of you’s is gonna try it, but forget a detail or two.
Don’t put Hyundai on a pedestal.
https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/categories/cars/
I’ve heard insurance companies in the Un-united Dystopia of america have stopped insuring them
Good. That means the burn a Tesla campaign is working. The goal is no one buying any new ones.
As a Hyundai-owner…you should buy a Honda.
As an owner of both, my 2020 Ioniq BEV easily feels better than my previous civic, and my Subaru (though I’d want the suby for anything challenging terrain-related). Best car I’ve owned.
So here’s my issue with Hyundai. I LOVED them, bought 2 Tucsons so far and love so much about them. HOWEVER, there was some oil-related recall that, long-story short, killed my engine while I was driving on a highway. My car was at 99,000 miles at the time this happened, and it was before they actually issued the recall. I had to spend about $8k replacing the engine and paying for a rental. A few months later they issues the recall and I submitted all of my paperwork. They ignored me. I submitted again, they ignored me again. I called a few times, and tried submitting again, and somehow their website broke and stopped letting me submit my paperwork, and they refused to let me send it in any other way.
It was under warranty. I almost died. And it cost me a lot of money. But they fucked around playing games to avoid paying me.
So fuck Hyundai. I’ll never buy another. When this one finally dies, I’ll probably go with a Honda CR-V, or a Nissan Murano.
In Brazil we call this jeitinho brasileiro (brazillian way*)… but this seems so american in my pov *means that you should take advantage in everything
In American we call this Insurance Fraud and it is illegal and causes insurance rates to be much higher.
So illegal.
I have owned only three brands of cars with a total of four different engines. And next to my Toyotas, my one Hyundai was incredibly reliable. Made it to 300k before I gave it away to my cousin. And the only time it ever left my in a jam was a Walmart parking lot when the starter burnt out. I walked across the street, bought a new one, and with the help of a YouTube video & $10 worth of tools from that very Walmart, shit was done. I highly recommend an old sonata to any one hard up, and in need for something reliable. Mine actually had heated seats! Easily the best $700 I’ve ever spent! I could rant about that car for ever.
Hyundai EVs really are good. They made absolutely terrible gas cars but chose the transition to EVs to make new company out of themselves and they did an absolutly incredible job. They make some of the best EVs in the market.
What a weird wet dream. Teslas are stacked with cameras, they’d never get away with it.
Yeah that’s why they’ve caught every single person that’s set fire to a Tesla. /s
Do people think Teslas are equipped with cameras that can see through masks?
They’ve caught quite a few so far. Time will tell.
Google says 3 people from the same incident. I can’t find any other cases of people being caught. It also had nothing to do with the Tesla cameras.
4 Federal charges so far, 3 from one incident, one from another, along with at least one man arrested on-scene for keying a Tesla. Others who are keying Teslas are all caught on video, so we’ll probably see more arrests in the future.
Edit: Another arrest in New Hampshire!
Edit2: man in Texas was just arrested.
Yeah. That’s pretty garbage arrest numbers. Not gonna lie.
So far. We’ll see.
Fuck hyundai, buy a toyota like someone with a modicum of taste and intelligence.
I’m sorry, I don’t want to buy a brand new car from 2005.
Jokes aside, what’s the point of a new Toyota? You’ll have a reliable car but use way more fuel than a German diesel wagon or sedan, in the age of super high fuel prices. Toyota of course barely even makes wagons or sedans anymore. They discontinued the Avensis, brought in the Camry and now it’s pretty much “buy a C-HR or RAV4 lol”. Toyota’s only EV so far came way too late and offers way too little to be compelling compared to what the Koreans are doing. The Koreans can’t make an ICE for shit but they do know how to make a decent EV.
The only decent cars they make now are the BMW Supra and the NotOnMyContinent Land Cruiser 300. And I guess the RAV4 PHEV but that costs so much you might as well just get A BMW X5.
Idk what poanet youre on but toyota makes great cars all around. The lexus RX/ toyota highlander (which is just the camry platform crossover) redefined suv crossovers. Without it suv’s tofay would be totally different. Also toyota 4cylinder hybrids get 60+ miles to the gallon the electric hybrid rav 4 in 2020 was getting 96 mpg. Toyota makes tons of wagons and sedans, tbe prius comes in wagon format the ct200h is a wagon, Camry, carola, avalon, gs300, ls350, sc400, I mean if you dont want a car that will last 3-5 decades plus that was made to last then get what you want. I cant tell you how many late 90’s early aughts toyota products are still on the road i see dozens every day. I have one. A 2004 rx330 with 225,000 miles on it. Aiming to take it to a million miles. There is a reason toyota products have great resale value, are highly desired and have stellar consumer reports ratings. And they are pretty easy to work on so you dont have to pay 200+ an hour at a mechanic if youre not an idiot and are mechanically inclined.
And if you want something else then go honda. Toyota and honda products are hands down the 2 best quality manufacturers that produce reliable lasting vehicles.
Subaru is also up there
Theyre not too bad. Japanese manufacturing standards are pretty exceptional. Its a shame that honda isnt buying nissan after all, they are the one outlier.
The only 90s and early 00s Toyota products with Toyota badges I see on the road are Land Cruisers because those are the only ones worth enough to repair the rust to make them pass inspection. Mid 00s onwards is a bit better and Lexus models get treated nicer, so you still see an old one every few months.
The Highlander and RX don’t even offer a diesel option… What a joke. Perfect platform for a 4 or 6 cylinder (for the RX variant) diesel. There’s no way they’re getting 60+ mpg on the highway unless you’re talking about plug-in hybrids, which only get that when actually charged - which most users unfortunately do not. Plus if you have to charge on long trips to get good fuel economy, why not just get a BEV?
Also half the models you listed are either discontinued altogether or no longer sold in Europe. Toyota doesn’t want you to have a Camry or a GS anymore. And I mean the GS was a damn solid car in the late 90s and early 00s when it got the 2jz engine. I can’t speak for third and fourth gen personally as I have no experience. But at thus point they’ve been discontinued for years, you’re supposed to go buy a crossover instead. Or the ES, which seems like a downgrade. The CT is a small hatchback, not a wagon. It’s nowhere near the same practicality. It’s also discontinued. The SC is a pretty cool car… But discontinued for a decade and a half now.
Apparently the Camry is back on the menu though - it had diappeared from Toyota Estonia’s website for a while and I just assumed they’d dropped that in Europe too. The only remaining wagon, though, is the Corolla which again isn’t competitive with European offerings in terms of cargo space. It IS significantly cheaper than a 5 series or E class wagon but then if you need to haul anything you need to rent a trailer, which is a hassle. I’ve owned 5 or 6 wagons at this point, ranging from Passat to E class to Outback… And I’ve filled the trunks on all of them.
With the Highlander no longer available, the only Toyota badged vehicle that would fit my regular cargo requirements is the ugly ass new Land Cruiser 250 (as opposed to the 300 which I think looks great) and the only Lexus badged ones would be the RX or LM. But I don’t need an SUV so I don’t want to pay the SUV premium. Plus to get decent fuel economy in the RX, I’d have to opt for the plugin hybrid for an extra 20k??? And the trunk is still nowhere near as big as in the E-class wagon somehow.
I’m sorry, but Toyota has lost the plot. They just ignore entire market segments thinking everyone is happy with a crossover. They just don’t want me to buy a new car from them and the models they do have are so reliable because their engine tech is 2 decades old, not because Toyota has great engineering.
Honestly get one of those old Toyotas that were build like tanks. All metal and a simple engine design means it runs forever and is easy to work on.
Amen. Thats why i have an rx330. If you want fuel efficiency they make plenty of hybrid drive trains. The first prius came out in like 2000 they sure have come a long way with that tech.
