it’s okay!

  • weker01@sh.itjust.works
    16·
    1 day ago

    So presenting masculine is not attractive?

    I dunno why but I’m somehow bothered by the post on an emotional level. I do not want to accuse anybody, it’s primarily my own issue of course.

    The first thing I thought of was transgender men getting told to present feminine. I think nobody should be told how they should dress.

    I know it’s a meme and I am taking this a bit too seriously.

    Anyways skirts are cool and can be cute and feminine like in the op or cool and masculine like a kilt. It’s a very versatile garment everybody could wear more often.

    • ochi_chernye@startrek.website
      3·
      17 hours ago

      I had similar feelings about this post. Reminds me of a pansexual family member of mine who claims that everyone is pansexual, really, if they just get over their hang-ups. I’m all for people being who they want to be, and feeling free to express themselves. I dislike the patronizing implication that if I don’t want to wear a crop-top and skirt, it’s because I’m not sufficiently enlightened or liberated.

      I don’t think that was at all OP’s intent, to be clear—just thinking out loud as it were. I appreciate your thoughtful response.

      • weker01@sh.itjust.works
        2·
        15 hours ago

        I think that a lot of people believe on some level that everyone else works as they do. Even if they intellectually know this to not be true.

        I can imagine that someone who struggled with their sexuality or gender can believe to see their own struggles in others. And like in your example if their personal solution was to “just get over their hang-ups” it makes sense that they see that also as a solution for others.

        Another more annoying example would be those older people that are clearly in the closet saying stuff like “this is normal. Everybody has those urges/thoughts sometime.”

        Back to the topic of this being patronizing: I agree. Respect should go both ways. Even if one is 100% convinced someone is a member of the alphabet mafia and even if they are right in the end, one should respect them living their life as they want to as long as it does not negatively affect others in a major way of course (hateful or intolerant behaviors).

        I had an acquaintance once who behaved very stereotypically flamboyantly gay. From voice to body language. The thing is he himself says he is not attracted to men at all. Has a wife and last I heard soon a child. At least to me as an outsider it looked clearly like they truly loved each other. He told me multiple stories of gay men trying to convince him he’s gay or bisexual. Militantly so. Of course also stories of people being bigoted and assuming that he is gay.

        Another story was something in a game community where a trans girl called someone who was clearly struggling with their gender identity feminine pronouns and even a feminine sounding name. Even though they said multiple times that they don’t like it. I also talked with the trans girl that I didn’t find this ok. In the end it turned out that they were indeed a trans woman. I still believe to this day the behavior was disrespectful at the time.

        Sorry for the wall of text. I got a bit carried away.

    • not_IO@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      7·
      1 day ago

      calling skirts + crop top attractive is not the same as calling only that attractive. i hope this helps you make peace with this post

  • djsoren19@yiffit.net
    32·
    2 days ago

    Need more places that sell crop tops and skirts in men’s sizes :( most of the places that do are selling fetishwear that’s kinda poor quality. Also, I personally hate ordering things online, and prefer being able to try clothes on in a store before I buy them, but that is very heavily discouraged for people who look masc.

    Edit: Just so other femboys know, there is one brick and mortar store you can absolutely go to; your local queer thriftstore! If you don’t have a local queer thriftstore…idk man that’s a sign to move in the current political climate. My post is more just saying we need more.

    • Anivia@feddit.org
      2·
      1 day ago

      Sewing machines are cheap and tailoring is surprisingly easy to learn. I have a very uncommon physique so pretty much nothing from a store fits me, tailoring my own clothes has been a big boost to my looks, and towards clothes feeling comfortable

    • CreateProblems@corndog.socialEnglish
      11·
      2 days ago

      So I’m a woman who loves shopping. But I’m a very short woman and I prefer to shop from the petite section - for most stores, petites are only offered online, if they’re offered at all

      So I do a LOT of online shopping and returning. I would also prefer to be able to try things on in stores before purchasing, but a lot of times I literally don’t have that option. So essentially I try stuff in the privacy of my own home. I prefer to shop online from stores in my area and then return in-person, but a lot of places offer free mail returns too.

      Point is, if you’re returning women’s clothes to a store, no one needs to know they were ordered for you. Maybe you’re shopping for your wife, maybe she’s disabled so she can’t get out and shop for herself, or maybe you just love buying her presents. Nothing is stopping you from lying to cashiers if they asked - but usually it’s just “was anything wrong with the item” and you just say “no it just didn’t work out/didn’t fit her/I ordered two sizes and she’s keeping the one that fits.”

      The best stores will list either garment measurements or suggested physical measurements for the sizes they offer. If you know your own measurements, this should help you make informed decisions until you get to know your sizes at various brands (…and even then, it will still vary widely! 😏)

      Looking at women’s plus size options may show you options that are more accommodating of broader shoulders, etc.

      • djsoren19@yiffit.net
        4·
        2 days ago

        Oh don’t get me wrong, I know my sizes and have places to shop online. Femboy apparel is also a rapdily growing market, and I try to keep fresh with new sites.

        I’m just a weird romantic. I like the nostalgic idea of going to a mall with friends, trying on some clothes, and buying maybe one thing. There’s a lot more issues with buying things physically in general now, beyond just my niche. Finding a mall that doesn’t scream “beached whale” is tough nowadays, so it’s just longing for a simpler time.

        I’m also kinda an asshole speaking from a place of privilege, because I live in a place large enough to have a queer district where I can thrift. That’s basically Femboy Aeropostale. I just think it would be cool if there was a chain that catered to femme attire for men.

    • Purox@feddit.org
      3·
      2 days ago

      I (AMAB) usually go into the women’s section to buy crop tops and skirts. While being a European S, I need something like L or XL in the women’s section. So my advice would be to just browse the women’s section and add two sizes to your regular size.

  • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    493·
    2 days ago

    Let’s get some shit out of the way here.

    1. your chub looks great in a crop top, I swear. Start believing it, others do.

    2. your chest/belly hair looks great too

    Alright, with that business out of the way, proceed.

      • AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.netEnglish
        6·
        2 days ago

        Something that helped me to feel more comfortable wearing crop tops was when a friend was complaining about her mum being iffy about my friend wearing crop tops; “Yeah, I get it, I’m chubby! <Grabs her stomach rolls> People can see that regardless of if I wear a crop top. Anyone who would think I look gross in a crop top already think that of me no matter what I wear, so I don’t care about dressing up for them”.

        This helped me to realise that because of my misgivings about my body, I tended to swamp myself in clothes that I hated, making myself look and feel worse. People being assholes can make it scarier to dress in ways that make us happy, but I can guarantee you that there are people who would find your body in a crop top to be distractingly hot/pretty.

  • yuri@pawb.social
    14·
    2 days ago

    skirts are some of the most efficient and comfortable clothes and it’s honestly bullshit i can’t wear them without being called slurs

    • caboose2006@lemm.eeEnglish
      7·
      2 days ago

      I took a DNA test and found out I’m mostly Scottish (family always said English and Polish) so maybe I will too.