I have a problem with establishing boundaries.
I’m a private person. That’s very often misinterpreted as being arrogant and feeling superior to others. I’m not, I just wish to be left alone, but people still feel disrespected and it’s tiring to be constantly explaining yourself. And I don’t understand why I have to explain myself constantly.
This very emotional and thankful patient wanted a picture with me and I stupidly agreed. He also wanted my phone number (I gave him a false one) to invite me to have lunch, as he celebrated his 70th birthday. I don’t believe it was sexual or romantic, because he is married, his wife was there when he extended the invitation and took the picture and he also wanted to invite the whole unit.
I acted like this because it was the easiest way to get him to leave the hospital and free the room but also because I didn’t want to cause a scene.
What could I do next time?
Not even close. Not at all.
Spitting on someone, aside from being freaking nasty, mean, and frequently motivated by some type of bigotry, is pretty much considered the same as physical assault everywhere. Especially if one carries any sort of disease communicable by saliva (Hep-C comes to mind. Meningitis. COVID.)
Also, why do you- or whoever- get to have their feelings considered, but not OP’s? why do you feel like you- or whoever- is so entitled to another person’s likeness that they should just “Suck it up”?
This is ignoring the simple reality that sometimes, that photo going up on the internet puts the person who didn’t want it up in direct, literal, harm. maybe their profession has some religious prohibition that there’s violation. Maybe there’s a stalker ex. Maybe they’re in some type of witness protection or secret agent.
We don’t know why it’s uncomfortable, and it really doesn’t matter. People should be respected when they say “no, I don’t want my picture taken.”
(my money is totally on secret agent.)
But, yeah. Lying about there being a departmental prohibition on any of it is an easy way to just make the entire thing more awkward. It’s best to simply be candid and decline.
It’s a figure of speech. This is just pedanticism that completely avoids the actual point I made.
Because it’s the OP asking for advice on what to do in a certain situation. If it were someone else asking me what to do in the situation where they want to take a picture with someone that doesn’t want their picture taken, I would tell them to suck it up and go home without the picture.
Except they gave us a reason: “I’m a private person.” Almost the first line of their post. The situation we were presented isn’t some case where it’s dangerous for them to have their picture taken. They just don’t want it. If it is risky for them, absolutely just decline.
Absolutely. But he didn’t say this, and explicitly said he doesn’t want to explain himself. So I responded to their actual request.
I disagree. I get not wanting to give your number out to a patient or see one outside of work, and in that case you decline. I think most would understand this and not be offended.
But this person just wants a picture with them, baring some ridiculously rare shit that they made implicitly clear is not the case, it’s a simple, virtually riskless request and it’s best to just make another person happy and take a picture with them.
I agree that it would be a nice gesture, and I probably wouldn’t decline, but to just discount OPs feelings about it is FAR more rude than declining to be in a photo.
They don’t like it, and they should not consent just because it’ll make someone feel better.
I could go for a blowjob right now, I mean, it’s no big deal, will only take a few minutes and I’ll feel much better afterwards. It’s a simple, virtually riskless request (I know for a fact I don’t have any STIs) it’s best just to make another person happy and suck a dick.
Just because you’re ok with getting your picture taken, that doesn’t mean that someone else has to be. There are plenty of people who wouldn’t think twice about sucking off a stranger, how would you feel if they told you to just “deal with it”?
I didn’t discount them. They asked for advice, which included not having to explain themselves, and I gave it to them.
And I feel pretty justified in my position if the counter position requires comparing getting your picture taken to sucking a dick.
I feel very uncomfortable doing this.
Who cares, just fucking do it anyway.
Real supportive there. Your feeling of justification just tells me you don’t want to understand.
I didn’t say no one cares, I said it would be something i tell my children to suck up and do anyway. Just like cleaning their rooms, brushing their teeth, or dressing nicely: all things that will help them out, and be pleasant for those around them, even if they don’t particularly like them.
But apparently we’ve gotten to the point where im just being misrepresented. If you don’t want to see my position, I can’t force you to.
Likewise. Have a great day.
When have I blatantly misrepresented your position? Let alone multiple times?
You haven’t, as you know.
I am late to this post and have now read through more than enough. You’ve been answering the OP’s actual question honestly and from your perspective, and a bunch of random weirdos are bending over backward to find reasons to argue. Thank you for your patience with them - I love it when I can add more chuds to my block list without having to go through the hassle of engaging with them myself!
Dude, everyone sees your position clearly, you spend few hundred paragraphs repeating yourselves, and explaining that feelings of the person asking are more important than feelings of the person being asked and therefore it is rude to decline the wish.
People are disagreeing with you because that position is stupid and creepy, not because they don’t understand.