I just want to vent a bit - I started seeing someone a few weeks ago. Old fling that I ran into through some friends that got rekindled, and I was excited that it seemed like more than just casual hookups this time. But there were some yellow flags I ignored that turned out to be red flags, and now I’m feeling frustrated and hurt.
Dude for real dropped the line that men are more “capable” and “logical” on me. That gender studies are “indoctrination.” I told him we should probably stop seeing each other if that’s really what he thinks. It wouldn’t be logical for me to keep seeing someone that thinks lesser of me, now, would it?
I’m grateful to have some guy friends that I turned to after I left, cuz I wanted to go into “fuck all men” mode, but I know it’s not true or helpful. Just like there are women out there that have internalized misogyny, there’s feminist men, enbies, etc. We’re all just people and we’re not monoliths beholden to differences in biology. This is just sexist, manosphere bullshit in particular
Anyway. I’m still feeling angry and wanted to put it out there for some support and solidarity. Anyone have a recent win they’d like to share or something?
ETA: Thank you so much for the conversation y’all! I’ve been trying to keep up but I gotta get some sleep. I’ll check in later but hope everyone has a good day. Keep up the empowerment! 💜
You know, I’m something of a man myself…
…and that dude’s a dick.
The Internet lets all the village idiots find each other
But it also lets us all find each other
yeah that’s what they said
Glad you dodged this bullet.
I had a coworker-friend who was too into right wing Internet stuff, and trying to deprogram him was hard work. People spend hours soaking up glossy garbage and find communities of like minded people. I think I only made any progress at all with that guy because we were already friendly over work and video game shared experiences.
The guy from your post is probably on some “manosphere” website complaining about how his misfortune right now. Maybe one day he’ll realize he’s the primary architect of his poor outcomes.
You are allowed to get annoyed at an entire gender. Just get annoyed then calm down then move on. Never judge yourself for an intrusive thought. Judge yourself based on what you actually say and actually do.
And good for you for moving on.
I’m a dude, what is the manosphere?
Andrew Tate subscribers, people who say “red pilled” a lot and dudes who attribute their lack of admiration from others to their height
Hard to give exact but that should put you in the ballpark
If it helps anything, I can imagine men usually assume they are as an individual more logical and capable than other men as well. Projecting this on women is just even easier as other man will agree.
In my experience, the real thought bubble is probably closer to “Look at all these people who have their shit so together. I’m such a loser. I hope they can’t figure out that I’m faking it.”
Edit to add:
The people who really are losers (as opposed to just believing they are) put others down to try to build themselves up.
I think my response would be “and yet, so many men still fall for shysters like Andrew Tate”.
Well done on getting out. He sounds like a
dadsad case.I just want to say that your break up line was just excellent. Chef’s kiss
So bizarre, the internet has just opened so many stupid people to various forms of grifters, but the toxic masculinity crowd are the absolute worst. Sorry your old friend turned out to be a turd. Glad you’re smart enough to recognize it and move forward with your life.
You’ll find someone kind and worthwhile - just takes sifting through a fuckload of hay before you find the needle. Unfortunately you found a worm instead of hay this time - gross, but just toss it to the side and keep searching. 💜
Tbh for me it’s been hard to keep putting energy into it, every time I break up with someone else I just feel like all that energy was wasted which is stupid because I definitely learn things from each relationship but god damn I just wanna find my human. ffs. Ngl I turned 30 and was just like well either I grow some thick skin and get on with it or I’m gonna fuckin die alone lmao. So easy to just give up after a shitty breakup and just be single… Idk, no lesson there - just sharing.
You asked for wins so here’s mine - I’ve been in a relationship with someone for about 3 months now and signs are good even post honeymoon-period. She actually cares and doesn’t have gender expectations of me at all, which is refreshing because I work somewhere that I’m basically expected to be masculine and it’s nice to get to be the little spoon occasionally and not have to put on a stupid mask of projected confidence and stoicism I feel like I have to at work. She doesn’t judge me if I cry a little. We both go out of our way to do nice things for each other and it actually feels like it might be a legit partnership - I’m cautiously optimistic this time! ☺️
The “win” is that I see much less if that kind of discourse on Lemmy.
Sorry for you, OP
Honestly, back on Reddit I also didn’t see much of this, at least not sorting by highest upvoted.
It was more of a thing on Reddit back in the gamergate era. By 2017 it had faded to smaller communities
Good on you. Next time you want to go “fuck all men” remember that would be stooping as low as a misogynist, only on the other side of the road.
The silver lining is that pain helps people see flag’s true colours better. So you will (I hope) not waste time with someone else showing similar warning signs next time.
The manosphere is so sad. I sorta hate how fascinated I am by it, and it seems like it is so incredibly easy for men to get sucked into it. I’ve seen guy friends go down that path, and I never would have predicted it. I’ve heard from other guy friends who crawled out of it that I never would have even expected it
Sorry you went through that, but better seeing that shit sooner rather than later. I really don’t know how anyone can think “I bet if I told them they were just naturally dumber than me, they’d think it was hot.” Clearly men are not all that logical if they keep falling for manosphere bullshit XD
You know your worth, so you just keep chugging along. Having no man is better than having a bad man
Just yesterday I was telling a female coworker about how toxic masculinity is such a hard thing to recognize for men and even more difficult to overcome. The example was how the two guys who hold a senior IT position were always fixing problems in a vacuum and not sharing with others how it was fixed or what the problem was. And how that is hurting the whole group.
I absolutely disagree with your guy friend and I am sorry that it worked out like it did. Good for you for making the right choice. I hope you find a much more healthy relationship soon :)
The men I have met that either endorse or handwave-away toxic masculinity are really fragile and often have so many other problems in their lives that maintaining any kind of relationship is impossible, even with other toxic-masculinity-type guys.
What a total dick. I’m sorry that happened to you and I completely understand how you feel.
Let me correct my self: Such men usually think the same about other men
Gender studies as in the kind you learn in college or as in just the research field?
I have lived this kind of experience many times and would’ve pointed out to him it seems awfully indoctrination-like that he’s so willing to override his memories he shares with you with ethical odds and ends he picked up later. Due to asexuality, this is even amped up for me, as asexuality to the manosphere is like Antarctica to a flat earther, in that it must not exist if the objective does. So I could often go for some of those guy friends.
