Work?

Headline blasted by grammar “Nazis” for having “too many” quotes to be taken serious

Didn’t even know he was in it, so I had to look it up. Apparently he played Barty Crouch Jr. in the Goblet of Fire.

Don’t we all…

If it doesn’t happen on its own, you might have to help a little…

Just turn around then?

People argue about whether pineapple belongs on pizza, meanwhile someone out there is doing this.

Just like momma used to make

The problem with Tinder is that most women will use it to date wildly out of their league. If you’re in the top 10% of guys (good looks, money, etc.) you can choose between 10 women to go on a date with every single night, so of course there’s no reason for them to ever commit. Meanwhile, all of those women who are dating them are hoping they can get them to commit if they have sex, which of course doesn’t work, because why settle for one dish if you can have a buffet every day?

But after having had a taste of the top shelf, it’s difficult to go back to average, so now these women’s standards are totally overinflated. They think because they’ve slept with a top dog, it must be possible to marry him too, and so they won’t settle for someone in their own league, kinda like once you’ve had a steak at a $100 per plate restaurant, it’s difficult to go back to Outback or Sizzler.

So many of them end up wasting their best years chasing the alphas, and by the time they realize it’s not gonna happen, they’re in their mid-30s, have gained 50 pounds from all the post-breakup ice cream they ate, and all the guys who would have married them in their 20s have either settled for someone else, or developed a massive depression, mental illness, alcoholism, or killed themselves.

Probably because you forgot to take a picture

That might explain why there is a Hell in Michigan.

What — and I cannot stress this part enough — the FUCK

You agreed with my other “horrible” take on women so you’re one to judge…

Here, just for you:

No, K cups look like this:

Spongebob narrator voice: moments laturr…

Source: trust me, bro.

Women: get to retire five years earlier than men

Lemmy: Sounds like patriarchal oppression to me!

Modern problems require modern solutions