I feel like the idea that women are otherworldly creatures instead of people and seeing someone being nice to their partner as “the man having tamed a female and convinced her to treat him well” has a lot to do with his problem.
I hate how much that is preserved socially, there’s no good reason why that hasn’t gone away at least a decade or two ago.
Yes. Being isolated is a result and a cause of strange views of other people.
It’s a positive feedback loop that one needs to accept massive discomfort — on the part of the re-integrating person and on the part of the normal people they’re re-integrating with — in order to escape.
Avoidance of disturbing others is a key part of men self isolating.
It definitely reeks of incel energy, which is unsurprising considering the source.
Yeah well that’s kinda what happens
To anyone who is in the position of anon, the task is simple, just spend time with them. Treat them like people, which is what they are, instead of something to be won or to be won over.
Mutual respect, common principles, and a spark is all that’s really needed. Understand that while you may be interested, they might not be. Would you really want to be with someone who doesn’t genuinely want to be with you? Probably not, so just keep going. You’ll get that spark eventually and things will kick off. Until then, be a good person and treat everyone with respect.
The whole confidence game is a bit misleading too. Confidence comes from being proud of yourself, more than anything. If you’re not proud of yourself, perhaps that’s an area to improve. Do things that you’ll be proud of, and become someone who is confident in the process. Understand that not everyone will be impressed by your achievements, and that’s ok. It’s not a competition.
Any person who will shame others for their interests probably aren’t worth knowing.
If you have serious struggles with confidence and relationships, there’s no shame in seeking help with the council of a friend or from a professional.
Be well.
to add, if i may.
Be the person ‘You’d’ want to date…start by improving yourself, physically, mentally, dietary, clothing, accessories. make it a Game, an RPG.
And yeah You’re gonna have to shoot your shots. the answer is Always No unless you try. You’re also going to have to cope with rejection, unrequited love. Find a peer group to talk about it with, a hobby where there are meet ups.
Now…I met my wife online and we’ve been together 12 years and married 10. So all that advice still applies. you want a weeb gamer girl friend. hit the gym then hit VR chat.
Got it, hit the gym in VR chat
Never miss VR leg day, that’s when all the avatars have yoga pants on :3
To anyone who is in the position of anon, the task is simple, just spend time with them. Treat them like people, which is what they are, instead of something to be won or to be won over.
For OP, who is lacking massively in experience with both intergender emotional connections as well as intergender physical intimacy, your methods are unlikely to work anymore. Most age-appropriate women for him are going to be looking for an experienced man, and will be revolted by his lack of experience.
And yes, even my wife (46) confirmed this in a recent conversation last year, and she’s pretty darn progressive. Beyond a certain age - usually around 22, but it differs with each woman - most women start getting turned off by any inexperience a man might have with emotional and physical intimacy. By this age, women begin to want and prefer an experienced man who has proven his worth with prior relationships.
Why? Because an older man without experience practically screams “I am an exceptionally poor choice for you” precisely because no other woman has decided to take a chance on him – this is an actual preselection sexual strategy found in almost all women.
Sure, he might still find someone. But at his age, the likelihood that he’ll be chosen for any reason other than being an ATM and/or a surrogate father to children who aren’t his, is statistically about as close to 0% as he can get. He has about as much chance of finding a truly good and loving woman (who is still single, childless, and not below the half-plus-seven rule) as he does winning the Powerball several times in a row.
You start off strong and then go fully off the incel cliff at the end there
Provide a specific criticism. Right now you’re attacking tone.
You start off strong and then go fully off the incel cliff at the end there
Ah, yes. Because resorting to an ad hominem is just such a good option when a reasoned counter argument is impossible to provide.
Interesting how you reach for a tool used almost exclusively to shame men into compliance with the narrative. Especially since it is impossible for me to be an incel in the first place - I am married, FFS. I just refuse to be blind to reality and facts.
I agree that it limits the number of woman that might be options.
But you are making it sound neat impossible. And that that is just not true.
Somebody will be out there who sees something in op. It might take a bit to find her, but honestly, as long as he learned to treat her as a human beeing and not as an asset to aquire he’ll be good.
I met my wife with 36 while she was 38. There are reasons she was single. There where reasons I was a single.
We have been the happiest couple I can imagine and I can’t fathom how much luck I had.
Don’t give up. Learn to be a descent humans. The rest will fall into place eventually.
You’re making one very serious assumption that ruins your entire argument.
You assume that all women 22+ are going to have the same opinion as your wife.
You’re assuming that I’m speaking exclusively about lonely men, not even stopping to consider that the advice I gave would have any use to women.
Factually, there are plenty of lonely women, ladies who may never have been kissed, etc. The difficulties that would lead someone to be in the position of being, for lack of a better term, a 40 year old virgin, are not exclusive to men.
There are entire communities dedicated to people who are “forever alone” (so far), with other people who are the same.
And that’s not even considering all of the other types of intimate relationships people can have.
It’s so arrogant to think that your small, isolated and anecdotal experience is the only way things are, or could be. Then you use that anecdote to essentially tell people who are in that position that they’re essentially without hope. How cruel. Even if your words had merit, throwing in the face of people trying to give people genuine advice is simply one of the worst things you could have done.
Clearly, your mother never told you that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
Enjoy your ratio.
My horny ass was waiting til coworker and his wife asked to get fucked by op
You might wanna try dating apps, its often easier than most would like to meet swingers and couples looking for their third, their unicorn. But negotiating a threesome is more difficult than most of them are ready for.
Oh you sweet bean. I really want to comment on this and not be dismissive. But I am quite old and very sexualy experimental. I’m polyam with two partners and I’ve been a bull for couples before. But thank you for trying to direct people that maybe less knowledgeable then myself. Keep being kind!
Hehe. Keep living that awesome sex life!
Yeah I definitely thought it was either going into full threesome fantasy or that OP would get a boner or do some other high IQ move on the wife.
I wanted to give you an upvote, but you are at 69 right now an I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
A+ for the literary exercise. Authror played us like a fiddle. I still love these greentexts, even if they’re fake. All good fun.
Anon imagining a giant, insurmountable gap between his life and his coworker’s life is a huge part of the problem.
He has a job, goes to the gym and apparently he is able to experience emotions. Also, a seemingly well-adjusted person inviting him home immediately suggests he is able to make a good and trustworthy impression.
He can jump the gap easily, he just doesn’t know it, so he’s timidly staring to the other side and imagining what it must be like to live there.
If you think you’re flawed, unattractive and unworthy of love, you can easily remain untouched way into your adult life, just by sabotaging yourself.
He is looking over the fence seeing the grass being greener.
But doesn’t notice the gate
Well sometimes you need help to see that gate. If he has not seen the gate yet then how will he magically see it now until it is pointed out
Of course, the gate may just look like a fence to them.
Let’s be honest here, given that we have a partial, biased peek into anon’s life, there could be a myriad of reasons that make that apparently small gap a far more serious problem. He may have a notoriously ugly face or body, he may suffer from heavy anxiety at the tought is becoming intimate with another person as a result of trauma, he may have atypical nonverbal communication, he may not want to form a connection with someone he doesn’t really have much in common with, he might be a mysoginist. These possibilities would limit his options a lot, and looking for someone when you’re supposedly doing everything right but still having so much trouble is painful.
If not saying Anon shouldn’t look for tools to actually find a partner if he wants to put in that effort, but that we shouldn’t underestimate his difficulties.
Also, maybe he has body dismorphia which destroys his self confidence and therefore limits his contact to women even more.
Sadly I can relate to anon.
Anon’s co-worker would probably be willing to try and help him, especially given that he was helping them. The social nature of humans is our low-key superpower.
Evolutionary biologist here.
The social nature of humans is our high key superpower. It’s an increasingly common position that our individual intelligence is at least in significant part a side effect of an evolutionary arms race in an increasingly complex social environment, and that this was added to by the multilevel selection dynamic of increasingly cooperative groups. See EO Wilson for more details, as he’s one of the more prominent biologists who studied the phenomenon.
Our social nature is powerful, sure. Sweating, though…
Sweating is what allows you to survive in most climates as well, what is wrong with it on that front? It even helps with pheromones delivery, double whammy! )
Would be great and all if I weren’t sweating every time the temperature goes above 10°c
Pro tip: use Fahrenheit, you can go way higher.
“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.”
This pain and shame is a universal experience for those who plan to make big changes in life, and I hope that poster who got a taste of freedom works his way loose of what burdens him. That shame, that perspective on women being so alien to him, that score keeping of virginity and touch. Shame is so unhelpful, and change is a natural element of human life. You can do it!
A 22 year old that’s married with a house?
Lol
Just said his house. At no point did I interpret this to mean he owned it. If your a renter you still refer to it a my house when inviting people over.
“hey, wanna come over at my landlord’s house?”
That gave me pause, too. But I have a family member who bought a house at around 19 - a fixer upper in a semi rural area in Georgia (the US state) with a down-payment from his family. His dad helped him repair it and make it liveable. So that’s lending some verisimilitude to the story.
Upvote for specifying US state, not the country!
Yeah these creative writing exercises are getting very creative
I was expecting surprise threesome but received surprise depression instead
Man that’s a rough read
How come such people don’t understand that they might need help, professional help?
Is it shame or they don’t understand there might be a serious problem?
What’s a “khv wizard”?
Loneliness epidemic. Anon is not alone. I mean, he is alone in a way, but he is also not alone in a different way.
Steve feelin’ lonely, but Steve ain’t alone.
There’s a million other Steves in their little Steve homes…
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That’s so sad. This is the fault of social media.
this happened before social media too. it may have been made more common, but even then it’s hard to say if that’s just us seeing it more because of social media. the internet has us all connected in a more intimate way, for better or for worse.
It did happen before, but much much less. There was a lot more live contact with people and even shy awkward people would constantly be in contact with others.
Again, this could very easily be confirmation bias. Without social media you wouldn’t have seen this post to make this comment, but this fella would still be just as sad.
Im taking in general, there is much research on social media use and loneliness.
Right but research on loneliness is hard. People self-select against being in your focus group. How are you going to reach someone who can’t be contacted?
