Don’t have much to add, and I don’t want to sound like “just take a walk bro” but I was going through some similar stuff a while back, and what worked for me was the following. Obviously, medical help is always best.

First I carefully and deliberately dropped all the meds my leech of a shrink put me on based on a horrible misdiagnosis. Obviously don’t do this without a lot of care and consideration, but it was an important bit of the journey because both being on chemicals and dropping them clearly affected my brain.

Then I spent a whole lot of time walking around in my city trying to understand it first hand. Y’know, finding spots where homeless people are safer, where to forage food, places where actual nature still exist and where it has either been destroyed or turned into those sterile settler grasslands. I’m not from around here, but I don’t think people from car-heavy settler cities ever truly know their city on a deep level.

This helped both build some love for the region but also hatred for the impacts of the societal organisations. Parallel to that I researched a lot about how to safely and reliably kill myself (not as an immediate desire, bit for curiousity), and noticed it’d be incredibly expensive.

But honestly, the part that really helped along with all of that was the people. Due to neurospicyness I don’t really enjoy friendships so this is not some mushy “love gives life purpspose” thing, but actively throwing myself at the problems of people around me really made life make some sense.

I guess since I already decided my life had no worth to myself, it can at least serve as a tool to help other people who actually enjoy living have some worthwhile ones. This obviously isn’t the only or best way to this, but thought I should share.

Hope you find a way that works for you somehow.