I’ve been on a slow but steady decline for the past several years. I don’t move at all, barely leaving my room let alone the house; I’ve taken to eating shit I order out instead of cooking meals myself; I don’t get involved with any local orgs besides sending dues every month; I haven’t read a book in months; I regularly fail to perform bare minimum hygiene. The only reason I’m able to keep alive at all is because I haven’t moved out of my parents’ house, burdening them with helping me. It would be understandable if I was living hand to mouth and had barely any free time, but I am one of the small percent of burgers who isn’t a month away from destitution and I have more than enough free time. Not to mention I receive no shortage of help.
Since I can’t blame my material circumstances, I can only conclude that I am this way because I always refuse to take personal responsibility. I know that changing myself so that I can be, at bare minimum, not a drain on society is going to take a lot of work, work that I always put off due to cowardice. Idealist as it is, I feel like I have some innate metaphysical trait that makes me this way, and the entirety of my failure to pick myself up is due to a moral failing on my part and nothing more.
How do I force myself to unfuck myself so that I can actually be useful for revolution instead of yet another useless first world lotus eater?
The feelings you described are pretty much a textbook definition of depression. I would strongly suggest seeing a psychiatrist and basically showing them this post. Not only because there are many options of effective medication that exist today, but also because depression is often comorbid with other mental conditions.
The longer you exist in this state, the harder it becomes to come out of it on your own. Mental health professionals exist specifically to help and guide you through it.
Part of what makes this difficult is that I’ve been going to therapy, seeing a shrink, and trying various different prescriptions for years now. It’s at a point where I don’t know what else to do about it.
That really sucks then, I’m sorry to hear it. Since you’ve already tried (and should keep trying) different traditional methods, have you looked into psychedelics? I personally have had good lasting results with psylocibin, and there are now avenues for MDMA and ketamine therapy for depression.