• Siegfried@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Exactly my point: when a woman buys a vibrator it seems like she just wants some fun. BUT when a man buys the 240 Volt FUCKMASTER Pro 5000 inflatable doll with non-explosive rubber coating, 6x adjustable speed vibrating vagina, rubbery sperm-proof ass and realistic orgasmic scream with optional built-in 7.1 sound system, he becomes PERVERT… why?

    • TinyPizza@kbin.social
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      1 year ago

      Detroit: Tragedy at Binford Sex Tools show, when speaker Tim “Toolman” Taylor got stuck in one of the new XL Ejacu-Pumper models, whilst demonstrating features to the audience. Eyewitnesses say that while inserted into the machine, Taylor began to mimic riding a bucking bronco. During this animated outburst, Taylor lost his balance, falling backward, and accidentally pulling the refrigerator sized sex appliance down upon himself. In a scene that had played out countless times prior in his life, Taylor lost control of the unit, as it went into what a Binford representative called “overdrive mode.”

      According to an attendee, who wished to remain anonymous “I heard a noise that day that will haunt me for the rest of my years. I was across the expo hall, and amidst a low rumble of screams came a piercing cacophony of confused cries of pleasure and pain. I don’t know quite how to explain it. It was like a wolf, gurgling, grunting and howling all at once. The noise went on for minutes, getting louder and more desperate sounding. When it stopped, I guess that’s when his pelvis was crushed.”

      A public memorial service will be held at Ford field this coming Sunday, prior to the Lions game, with a private burial ceremony to be held later in the week.