I’ve tried the serenity prayer without god and I’m reading the subtle art of not giving a f*ck, but it’s not enough. The book is good though.
There are still moments when people really piss me off and while I’d like that not to affect me, my first instinct is still to feel anger and to hate the jackass making my life or work difficult. Sometimes I’d like to punch him in the face.
It could be the plumber who doesn’t come on the agreed day, the technician who ‘repaired’ a tv set, only to have the same issue the next day, a coworker who keeps yelling when I’m trying to work and even after asking him not to be loud, blatantly ignores me or coworkers who importunate me with stupid questions about my weekend.
A strategy I’m going to use now at the workplace is to ignore every non related job question from these people and only answer when they ask something job related. As for the plumber, the hate usually subsides after 2 days, but I’d like to be more resilient, not to jump to anger and hate so easily.
It’s like I’m emotionally very easy to trigger.
I don’t know if you agree with this sentence: A person who yells does it because he doesn’t have power to modify a situation to his advantage, because he is powerless.
This is how I feel sometimes.
You must log in or register to comment.
I like reading this poem whenever I’m feeling like I’m about to lose it. It helps me find my center again:
Just Let them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, let them.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, let them.
If they are okay with never seeing you, let them.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, let them.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, let them.
If they want to follow the crowd, let them.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, let them.
If they act like they can live without you, let them.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, and let them.
Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own. So let them.
Cassie Phillips
It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety, too, if you’re on a “hair trigger” with your emotions. Some self care and/or therapy may help with some of it, but you sound like you’re on the right track already. Try to be aware of when you feel that way, try to identify why the situation makes you feel that way, ask yourself what you can do in that situation too change anything, and try to view the situation from other perspectives (doesn’t have to be from the perspective of the person making you angry, but can be a stranger viewing the situation from the outside).
Best of luck to you! And keep in mind that by just wanting to improve yourself in this way, you’re already take a step more than most people!
I’ve been trying to practice compassion for the people that piss me off. Trying to remember that folks are all doing their best and may be dealing with even more stress and anxiety than I am dealing with.
The other thing that has really helped me is deliberately practicing gratitude for all of the great things in my life. Family, pets, health, food, shelter, car that works reliably, etc. it’s counterintuitive that focusing on these will help, but focusing on these things makes the things hat anger me seem so much less important.
Constructive Nihilism, or my own spin on it, has helped me.
Everything in the universe, including us, are nothing but subatomic billiards balls bouncing off one another. Free will isn’t even an illusion, but a delusion. Consciences may not even exist beyond a concept we use as a shortcut to describe ourselves.
If you can truly internalize and grock those ideas, getting angry at a person, makes as much sense as getting angry at ocean wave. In fact your feelings of anger are internally nothing more than a few billiard balls bouncing in your own brain.
It’s not perfect. I still get annoyed occasionally. But then I remember these facts, and suddenly the feelings of anger just go away as quickly as they arrived. They seem silly and trivial.
I don’t know if you agree with this sentence: A person who yells does it because he doesn’t have power to modify a situation to his advantage, because he is powerless.
Definitely do agree, and I fall victim to this myself. I think the root cause is feeling that powerlessness is unacceptable. Resolve that root cause, and the emotional reaction to powerlessness solves itself.
The way I work towards that resolution is to try to recognize that “not being in complete control of things” is the default state. Then I try to add some “make the best decisions I can considering the circumstances I find myself in” – even (especially?) when those circumstances are the result of my own previous “less than best” decisions.
I don’t always succeed at this. That’s just how it goes. Reassess the circumstances, make another decision. If I’m continually running into difficulty, take smaller steps, make smaller decisions.
It’s a process, and a skill, developing a skill requires practice, and practicing means not being very good at it in the beginning, and never being perfect.
Take a pause, take a breath, figure out where you’re at and where you want to go, make a decision and execute on it. Expect to fail, and forgive yourself when you do.
My toddler has really taught me how to control my anger, there’s something about having someone slap you in the face and scream at you while you carry them to the car without having any recourse other than asking them to calm down and please stop hitting you that really teaches you how to find some zen …
I don’t recommend OP take on a toddler until they master their own emotions.
Good for you, though! Sending you a hex against other random stress-inducing disasters befalling your family while you’re navigating this difficult passage.
