What a sad situation. I know a lot of people here think this is abuse and I can see their perspective, but I see this more as a relationship lacking communication. The wife didn’t feel assured that her husband loved her anymore and the divorce papers were a last ditch effort to see if he still does. Sure, just talking openly would be better, but goddamn is it hard to find people who can do that.
I think the fact that she broke down and tore up the papers immediately after is a sign that she really didn’t want to do it and was reacting to his genuine reply.
I think OOP needs couple’s therapy.
object original poster
Object oriented posting
are you and the 93 people who upvoted you crazy??
lmfao in what fucking world is serving divorce papers and then tearing them up right after they’re signed not even just a little bit toxic, if not emotionally abusive?
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life.
think before you do stupid shit? other people don’t owe you discretion bc you’re an idiot? “uwu but what about the wife’s feeeeelings???” brother man grow tf up this isn’t a high school fling it’s a marriage. if you wanted to pull shit like this, why did you change it from girlfriend/boyfriend to husband/wife? was that about feelings too?
oop shouldve ran when they had the chance and the papers were signed.
sorry as someone who grew up as a child caught between this stupid shit people like you piss me off so much. this is traumatic for all involved.
Fuck man, I don’t disagree with you. Don’t construe my words as me saying there’s nothing wrong here, but I also am not in the “omg just get divorced” camp, either. I’ve been in great and terrible relationships and I’ve seen behavior like above in both. There’s a massive difference between “I’m serving you these papers to cause suffering or as a shit test” and what OOP’s wife did. YES, her behavior was toxic. Toxicity doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
I’ve been around plenty of guys like the greentexter, too. Aloof, unaware, “women say the darnedest things” types. If he doesn’t see the situation and say, “Damn I got some problems with this relationship that need fixing” then he’s insane. But this guy says, “I love you and I’ve always tried… Man this is weird, better post to 4chan!”
Perhaps she’s been trying to talk to him about it but he’s been acting like a dumbass and this was her last ditch effort to shake some sense into him. AGAIN, her behavior is unhealthy. But if his response to it is to show love, and hers is to break down and back away from the edge, then perhaps there is more foundation here than we’re seeing in the context of this message.
I love my partner dearly and I regret to say I’ve acted in ways like this before during difficult times. Love is fucking hard sometimes. It’s about how you pick the pieces up and move forward.
i’m sure if we continue down a rabbit hole of discourse i’ll find multiple points where we can agree, but overall it seems we might have different outlooks on life.
that’s okay; people are allowed to be different!
i appreciate your civility and hope i didn’t offend.
remember to live well and for others, u/Classy. if only we all could.
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life
In all fairness, that looks like 4chan, so maybe we should lower our expectations here a bit more. I’m sorry you had to go through all that crap growing up. I hope you are in a better situation now.
i’m responding to this one comment but more generally to the sentiment:
i know this is just a green text
however, it still pisses me off. that’s the written word for ya, huh?
i think you’re one of the people who kind of gets that tho, it’s why im responding here.
the well wishes mean a lot, but, i don’t know if you’re ever truly in a better spot after that.
all we can do is make it better for the next guy. i used to think suicide was the answer. i realized if i was willing to hurt myself i should be willing to help.
token “im an atheist,” but i really think it doesn’t matter what you think. things are right for inherent reasons beyond us. only so many ways to cut a cake and all
we did it guys, we found the REAL anon
I like this empathetic take.
Nah once you’re at the point where you need couple’s therapy the relationship is over
Emotional abuse detected.
> lack personal communication skills with wife
> casually post deeply personal and emotional stories on 4chan behind veils of text and anonymity
> oh shit am I neurodivergent and undiagnosed because I’ve never talked with a therapist
“The bond is broken, I said!” You can’t unspeak the words.
He should have declared it instead of just speaking.
So… if anon took those papers and just taped them back together, would they still be legally binding if submitted?
Would this depend on the jurisdiction/country? I’ve never thought seriously about whether tearing up signed legal documents constitutes a refutation after they’re signed. (a pile of torn-up papers doesn’t carry any proof of which, either or both, parties agreed to the tearing-up). And thankfully never been in a situation where this question would arise. Also assuming ‘tearing up’ wasn’t enough to prevent taping them back into a mostly-complete state.
I believe filling out the divorce paperwork doesn’t actually make it happen, it’s just an application for divorce.
It has to be filed with the court and a hearing held to make sure it’s all good and then the judge does the thing and you’re divorced.
Mostly this is a rubber-stamping type situation, and the judge mostly makes sure that asset division is done fairly and any children are cared for.
If no one has objections, the money is simple and everyone agrees, and there’s no children the whole thing is relatively simple.So filling out or destroying the paperwork doesn’t actually do anything.
A signature doesn’t offer much proof of which party signed a paper either.
The security mechanisms we use in this society are a joke.
“I don’t understand women.”
Whenever someone has an issue with an SO, then extrapolates that to all women… that’s a red flag to me that this guy has a lot more misogynistic views just outside the frame of view.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL complain about their SOs with “Pft. Women, right?” And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your SO? Or just your SO when they’re with you?
What if they don’t understand all women? Why do you extrapolate your personal experience to all people… That’s a red flag to me.
This presupposes that men and women are fundamentally and irreconcilably different. I just don’t think that’s true, based on both my experiences and the psychological data I’ve reviewed throughout my life.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL base their conclusions on experiences and the psychological data they’ve reviewed throughout their lives. And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your limited psychological data? Or just your subjective experiences?
I’m honestly not sure what point you’re trying to convey, but that’s alright.
But best of luck out there.
Women aren’t even real, calm down.
How could I possibly calm down? Who am I married to then? Fuck!
(That was me joining the joke for anybody who might not get that otherwise.)
Accept it: You are gay now. Resistance is futile /s
Time to embrace my gay side, for sure.
Women and men do have a different way of thinking the majority of the time. It’s about learning to cope with and deal with the other one’s feeling. If you want a woman, you have to be willing to deal with woman moments. If you want a man, you have to be willing to deal with man moments. Simple. Relationships cannot be perfect.
As an AMAB who is vaguely uncomfortable enough with the gender binary to use he/they pronouns but still presents masc in every context — I have met many people of all and no genders who think so completely differently to me it’d be better to use zodiac signs than gender markers to divide personalities (and no I don’t think astrology is real).
it’s complicated. I think generally, women have a different mannerism of thinking than man, primarily due to nuture, women grow up in a different environment, talk to people differently, and experience the world differently, this leads them to a point where you inherently have a different view of the world.
It’s neither good or bad, it just is. Of course this is not a strict definition, and it’s particularly fluid around the middle point, but this is a broad reaching generalization that seems to be mostly accurate.
Men and women have tendencies and subculture, sure. But they’re not mutually unintelligible if you make even a little effort to try and understand the other side as fundamentally human people. For example, by listening to them and taking their positions seriously (even if the specific situation does not call for believing every factual claim).
I think we mostly agree here, just with slightly different framing.
Exactly, you cannot be a good spouse and not take your partner’s opinion seriously just because “pffft women/men”
And this case like most relationship issues comes down to insecurities and bad/non-existent communication. To which, let’s face it, male socialization is a major contributor.
With stoicism and a fear of vulnerability, we’re far too often standing standing in our own way.
That is unfortunately the tendency for men, yeah.
It’s not misogynistic to admit you have trouble communicating with women.
Do you think that’s what’s happening (both in my example but also the OP greentext)? That they’re admitting they have trouble communicating?
I could see a literal interpretation of “I don’t understand women” as a standalone sentence being reasonably interpreted that way, sure. But given the context, I think that’s really unlikely.
I think they’re expressing frustration about not being able to communicate with women, and I think it’s easy to misinterpret that frustration as aggression or misogyny.
To be fair, I don’t mean like, raging, beating your wife misogyny. Just the standard kind that results in overgeneralizing and venting in this particular way.
The behavior described seems like either (1) the wife has big attachment and insecurity issues (maybe a personality or mood disorder) or (2) the anon has major, major communication issues (essentially driving the wife to desperate measures she might not have gone to otherwise). In either case, these are extremes. And extremes really shouldn’t be generalized to the whole gender population, y’know? I can’t think of anything BUT some amount of misogyny that would lead to that type of generalization.
A lot of men genuinely have trouble communicating with all women (beyond superficial day-to-day interactions). I don’t think that’s misogynistic, I think it’s a symptom of a bigger problem in society. Boys aren’t taught how to interact with women, and when they fall back to what they were taught about interacting with other men they quickly get themselves in trouble.
I don’t really disagree with your overall point, I just think that’s being way over generous to the anon here.
Like, do you think talking to your wife like she was a dude is really the only thing at play here?
No. Since you asked, I think the communication issues are most likely caused by both people involved, not just the man. I think the wife (in the OP) was expressing her own frustration when she suggested divorce, then felt like she had to follow through with it when OOP didn’t react the way she wanted/expected him to. It sounds like neither person in that relationship is communicating effectively.
true, just be gay instead.
The behavior of the wife in the OP would never be exhibited by a man, right? So calling it a “women” thing isn’t inaccurate.
Your reply extrapolates OP to mean all women. Which is exactly like when a woman makes a claim about men and men in the comments reply “not all men!” You’re doing that.
Maybe I’m misunderstanding your point, but I could see a man doing what the wife in the greentext did. It wouldn’t fit the stereotypes we have of dudes, but yeah I think it’s possible.
Including the crying and ripping it up?
Really?
In that sequence?
Horseshit.
good memes poster. Come back next week.
I mean… what about those actions is impossible for a guy to do?
No one said it’s impossible, but it wouldn’t happen.
I said I think it’s possible. You said “horseshit”. Not sure what you mean other than it’s impossible for a man to do that.
I’m not saying it’s super likely or anything like that. But given this is pretty far off the path from my original comment, I’ll just drop it here.
Best of luck out there.
☕ women
Moids really will just believe a made up story on the internet and then say shit like this. After all, the first thing you gotta remember about any greentext is that it’s fake and that anon is gay.
