ahem

I LOVE dragonflies! Getting my first tat of one!

If a dragonfly locks onto your happy ass, you’re meat. 95-97% hunt success ratio, highest of any animal on the planet. One shot, one kill. Strongest flying insect, with 4 independently operating wings. Watch one fly in slow mo. That is what Herbert had in mind when he wrote ornithopters into Dune. Your inner ear would boil if you could shuck and jive like that. They don’t chase prey, they intercept prey. They aim for where the target is going to be. Their head is basically a giant, binocular eyeball, a 360° target-seeking combat package. Yeah, you read that right, 360° field of view. If you think you’re sneaking up behind one, it’s already seen you.

They do love them some mosquitoes, that’s a fact. Not going to say our swampland in the boonies is mosquito free, but it’s a swamp, it’s loaded with dragonflies, and there ain’t many blood suckers around. There’s another swamp down the street where they fly non-stop mosquito interdiction. Plenty of bugs on the shoreline but paddle out 20’, you’re free and clear. My boys rule the airspace over water.

Anything smaller, which is to say, everyone else, is fair dinkums. They’ll start horking down on what ever part first meets those monstrous jaws, alive or dead, no matter. Every watched one feed? Not for the faint of heart. Whatever space isn’t taken by eyeballs, the rest is all mouth. Those jaws work as implacable, squared-off, champing vices. Pray they start with your head, because starting at your feet is all the same to them. Crazy nastyass dragonfly, dragonfly don’t care, dragonfly don’t give a shit.

The dragonfly you see is the adult, and adulthood is only a month of their lives. Before they begin ravaging the skies, they spend up to 2-years as nymphs, terrors of the sea, two full years of underwater murder practice before they get their wings. If you have the misfortune to share that environment, the pond is dark and full of terrors. They go straight from nymph to adult, pupation is for lesser arthropods like those pansy-ass butterflies, or, as the dragonfly sees 'em, “food”.

Want to “pet” one? Hold very still, fully extend your arm and point your finger, they’ll eventually use you as a helipad. Know any other insect that will do that? You can walk around with 'em, make finger guns, whatever, they’ll hang. Like a dragonfly has anything to fear from us lowly primates. Woman across the street is a got damned dragonfly whisperer, got a dozen pics of her holding them. Here’s one chillin’ on my wife, rode half a mile upstream with us, our very own combat air patrol.

Notice Stephen King has never written about these monsters? Too scary. Chuck Norris crosses the street. Such perfect killers, evolution cranked out over 3,000 versions. There’s one species down here that’s coal black. Black eyeballs, black head, black thorax, black abdomen, black wing veins, one of the smaller models, think Kiowa helichopper vs. Hind. We got tactical smart missiles, phased plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks… we got dragonflies!

And no, do not dare confuse them with the lesser damselflies. I mean, look at this idiot, eyeballs all stickin’ out. Unlike the majestic dragonfly who rests with spread wings, prepared for instant combat, the damselfly folds up. Lazy little nitwits.

Want some? I buried an old trash can, filled it with water and plants from the local creek. Stole some pitcher plants and sundews as well, even my plants eat bugs. Had dragons in less than a week. We have two smaller “ponds” taking off nicely. Between the goldfish and newly imported dragonflies, mosquito larvae don’t stand a hope in hell. Given their long underwater larval stage, I’m hoping to have my own air force two years from now.

“Dragon”, it’s right there in the name.

Anyway, I think they’re kinda cool. Maybe we can talk about hummingbirds next? Anything but “cute”, they’re the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered bird you ever set eyes on.