Took a pretty heavy call from a friend this afternoon that is going through a rough time. She had an altercation with some friends in our group which I think set her off into a spiral. I had no idea about any of this. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to someone.
I used to get affected by the same friends too, but then learned to stop putting disappointing people on a pedestal, thinking they do the same, and rely on them for emotional support and wellbeing which was always one way. I made some new friends. I discovered that healthy adult friendships actually exist and instead of being upset about certain behaviours from those people, I learned to pity that behaviour. I hope she learns this too.
it was a very sad day for me when I realised my family of origin would never be a support . I went non contact because of abuse, and my husband’s family? I will do nothing for them anymore other than grunt oh noes when they tell sad tales. I am lucky to have a few people in my life I can rely on and I think that’s what it’s like. In life we only get a few people.
I used to get affected by the same friends too, but then learned to stop putting disappointing people on a pedestal, thinking they do the same, and rely on them for emotional support and wellbeing which was always one way.
Big hugs. Relate to that so very painfully. I still feel pangs of sadness over the loss of an entire friend circle over covid; I shared lots of values and experiences with them and we had lots of great times, but I could’ve kicked myself for being so reliant on them for that support/wellbeing when it turns out that they were supremely unwilling/unable to show up in the ways that mattered most when the chips were down.
It was impossible to have an honest conversation because they would beat themselves up in a show of contrition and shame but not actually acknowledge any issues and work on them (or anticipate them better). I know a lot of that is a trauma response from them but after a certain point it just wasn’t healthy to be around any more and I couldn’t handle continuing to be the only one willing to forgive and accommodate.
I’m still in the phase of not really having made any new friends on that level, though I certainly have strengthened my friendship with a couple of other rock-solid people in my life and it’s made me so much more grateful for them.
Hard relate. I’ve learned to try and be happy in my own company rather than deal with that, but humans are a social animal and those behaviours are so pervasive
Took a pretty heavy call from a friend this afternoon that is going through a rough time. She had an altercation with some friends in our group which I think set her off into a spiral. I had no idea about any of this. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to someone.
I used to get affected by the same friends too, but then learned to stop putting disappointing people on a pedestal, thinking they do the same, and rely on them for emotional support and wellbeing which was always one way. I made some new friends. I discovered that healthy adult friendships actually exist and instead of being upset about certain behaviours from those people, I learned to pity that behaviour. I hope she learns this too.
so many many hugs
it was a very sad day for me when I realised my family of origin would never be a support . I went non contact because of abuse, and my husband’s family? I will do nothing for them anymore other than grunt oh noes when they tell sad tales. I am lucky to have a few people in my life I can rely on and I think that’s what it’s like. In life we only get a few people.
I’m learning that lesson myself. It’s tough, but good to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Big hugs. Relate to that so very painfully. I still feel pangs of sadness over the loss of an entire friend circle over covid; I shared lots of values and experiences with them and we had lots of great times, but I could’ve kicked myself for being so reliant on them for that support/wellbeing when it turns out that they were supremely unwilling/unable to show up in the ways that mattered most when the chips were down.
It was impossible to have an honest conversation because they would beat themselves up in a show of contrition and shame but not actually acknowledge any issues and work on them (or anticipate them better). I know a lot of that is a trauma response from them but after a certain point it just wasn’t healthy to be around any more and I couldn’t handle continuing to be the only one willing to forgive and accommodate.
I’m still in the phase of not really having made any new friends on that level, though I certainly have strengthened my friendship with a couple of other rock-solid people in my life and it’s made me so much more grateful for them.
Hard relate. I’ve learned to try and be happy in my own company rather than deal with that, but humans are a social animal and those behaviours are so pervasive