I always love these bits about humans being garbage animals that just walks our prey to death like a bunch of assholes.
Here’s another one: humans are some of the only animals (even among primates) that can throw things, not just toss things around.
In other words, humans are cowardly pokers who aren’t even willing to take on DPS enemies with honor
And in a game where ranged attacks are practically non-existent, save for a few ones able to spit venom or water under highly specific circumstances, the ability to just throw a rock and damage you while being out of harm’s way makes the Homo Sapiens play literally a different game.
Fkn campers that’s what they are!
We should even the scales by teaching squirrels how to use guns.
I think the developers of Palworld are one step ahead of you
“How’s a guy supposed to have any honor if he won’t even stab you in the back‽‽”
- The Captain “Little Kitten” General of The Adeptus Custodes
Not enough iframes to take on a DPS enemy 1v1
The Neolithic Era is a totally balanced game with no exploits
Ah, welcome back to another video where today we’re diving into the most ambitious open-world game ever created, the real world, featuring the starting species Homo sapiens. Now, developers really outdid themselves with this one, creating a game that’s perfectly balanced with no exploits whatsoever… or so they thought. You see, Homo sapiens, these peculiar little characters, have stumbled upon an absolutely game-breaking exploit: endurance running. Unlike their in-game counterparts, these lads can run super large distances, outpacing virtually any prey in the long run, literally.
Now, you might be wondering, “How does this translate into an exploit?” Well, sit back as I demonstrate the sheer unbalanced nature of this ability. Our Homo sapiens ancestors used this stamina hack to hunt down creatures that, by all accounts, should have easily outmatched them. But no, through sheer persistence and a bit of clever thinking, they turned their sweaty long-distance jogs into the most effective hunting strategy, revolutionizing the food chain and leveling up humanity.
But here’s the twist in the tale, the crème de la crème of human ingenuity. What becomes of this unprecedented endurance exploit? Ah, it leads to the cultural revolution that is the invention of Yorkshire Tea. That’s the real endgame here. Our Homo sapiens didn’t just use their marathon prowess for survival; oh no, they transcended. With all the excess resources and leisure time afforded by their unparalleled hunting strategy, they brewed up civilizations, refined cultures, and yes, perfected the art of tea-making. So, in a world that’s perfectly balanced with no exploits whatsoever, it’s the human spirit of persistence and a penchant for long runs that gave us the ultimate exploit: the creation of Yorkshire Tea. A true testament to how a simple exploit can lead to the pinnacle of culinary excellence and cultural sophistication.
(disclaimer: wrote it, but used GPT4 to tweak the style to fit spiff a bit more)
Needs a bit in the first paragraph that reads “Now sit back, grab your cup of Yorkshire Tea, and watch as we totally break this perfectly balanced game,” etc.
We learned nothing from the infinite mammoth meat hack when the devs banned the whole fucking species.
Eventually they’ll run out of species to ban
Not a fan of this unit. They do nothing for ages and then when you’ve forgotten they’re there they hit a technological singularity out of nowhere and take out most of the ecosystem along with themselves.
Bro humans are leave tons of food everywhere and are afraid of mice.
Found the rodent main
I heard the devs are planning a major nerf with the upcoming climate disaster patch by lowering the population and cooperation stats way down.
There’s another team working on a Synth/AI DLC. Like the institute or geth. Should be cool!
Humams are also an invasive species out of its original ecological niche. They were supposed to stay in Africa with the hyenas, cocodriles and lions keeping them in check.
Once humans learned to throw sharp sticks and not venture too far alone the threat of any predators is greatly diminished. The moment any kind of civilization formed there’s no amount of hyenas and Crocs and lions that could keep humans in check. I doubt the civilizations of ancient Nubia lived in fear of predators.
People living in cities were fine, but rural folks in the northern hemisphere were certainly terrified of wolves and bears long after civilization was established in their area.
humanity basically started by gaming the system. maybe it’s just our nature to lie and cheat and worm our way into position and out of consequence. maybe corruption is just what we’re best at.
I think any creature evolved through competition and natural selection will end up this way.
Lying, killing, stealing, loving, building community, etc. are advantageous to survival at different times and in different situations. Seems the best survival tactic for us was to just keep improving and blending these.
We are at the point in our development where a lot of them don’t fit as well anymore. But they won’t go anywhere unless they impact mating success or stop being passed down for genetic reason.
Creates one super intelligent omnivorous species with opposable thumbs and long life-spans
So what we’re supposed to just watch the SSS-tier species take over the world without any natural predators? What kind of balancing is this?
Octopi fit ¾ of those requirements, as do Orca
Actually, do Octopi even need opposable thumbs? They can grasp things with their tentacles as effectively as we can grasp with ournl thumbs, can’t they?
Octopi got heavily dev-nerfed though, they die after reproducing so they can’t unlock the best parts of the education tree.
We domesticated dogs first, because they were the only animal that could kind of keep up.
And then cats just moved in
They were and are extremely effective rodent killers, and didn’t really have to be taken care of, so pretty much lol
To this day dogs behave more like toddlers and cats more like roommates. Or bratty teenagers complete with, “You’re not my real dad!” depending on your cat.
Apparently dogs more-or-less domesticated themselves as scavengers around human settlements and were initially used for transportation (sledding in ancient Siberia), vs hunting - here’s a pretty decent podcast: https://shows.acast.com/the-ancients/episodes/the-first-dogs
They did ban dinosaurs for the same reason before tho. Humans will probably be next. Hold on, didn’t they announce that already?
They exploited the communication feature and are basically acting as one huge server wide guild of jobless arseholes having nothing better to do than ruining the fun for everyone else all day long.
You have to burst down the apeman with your alpha strike because you’ll lose any DPS race due to its broken running mechanics.
Hyenas were quite successful in hunting us in our early stages. We found a remarkable number of sites that we identified as hyena dens, that have a shocking amount of eaten humans as well as other fauna
How many eaten humans does it take to shock you?
Several hundred individual human skeletons per site, at a time when the total “human” population numbered in the low tens of thousands.
This is why I don’t get particularly stressed about humanity doing its best to kill Mother Nature, that bitch started it.
Still love how humans can cover the most distance out of all animals, except maybe horses
We can run both horses and dogs to death and keep jogging
Horses are actually remarkably easy to accidentally kill.
Can’t those things just trip over and die
To be fair so can we.
Tell Darwin I said hi.
wait do horses just keep running until total exhaustion?
I think they lie down once exhausted, but will need medical treatment. It’s a whole thing in the horse community.
Plus humans are smart enough to steer prey towards natural barriers like cliffs and rivers and basically no prey animals are smart enough to see it coming. When possible this is more efficient than actually running prey down to the point of exhaustion.
I’m not sure the entire theory behind humans dominating based on their ability to run long distances to wear out their prey was the best strategy. The best hunters take down their prey before they are even capable of running away (like an arrow or spear to the lungs).
I think it’s supposed to predate weapons, especially the bow. Like run them down then kill them with a sharp pointy rock because it’s all you have.
Exactly. I saw a video once of an African tribe hunting in this style, and at the end the buffalo or whatever it was was just stationary in a clearing while the people walked up and stabbed it. It was literally too overheated to move anymore.
then kill them with a sharp pointy rock
In persistence hunting, at least the kind that humans practice, the prey mostly dies through indirect effects like exhaustion or heat stroke. You just keep tracking until you find a dead deer lying around basically, brought down simply by constantly having to flee your incessant pursuit again and again.
Humans are the it follows of the animal kingdom.
fake!
