Well I think I might be autistic, I’ve wondered why I feel so different from other people, why it feels like I am taking my entire life, why when I lose focus, or am not being focused on i become completely silent and struggle to make even simple comments, and why I have had to watch and learn from others to become remotely social. I guess those are all signs of autism. I took that RAADS-R test and got a score of 141, which is slightly above the mean for autistics, I also took a few other of those quizzes.
But my question is what happens now? What do I do? I don’t feel comfortable asking my parents if I can get examined, I can’t really afford to do it myself, but I guess I could try. I don’t want to just start saying that I’m autistic, and have to mention that it’s self diagnosed because I think we all know the stigma around that.
Heck I’m still in the stage (or I assume it’s a stage because it matches that one post here where they talked about their stages of realizing they have autism, and I related completely to it) where I’m not sure if I am not just faking this whole thing. So what do I do now?
Looking back as I try to jusfify having autism, it really is almost funny how many warning signs myself, and my family have ignored. One of them being that every time I get remotely stressed, like being put in a new location or basically someone talking to me I just start spinning my phone rapidly. Like why didn’t I think of why I did that??? And I was talking to my mom and she goes “you know you used to be so scedual oriented as a kid, if we went shopping mid day you would freak out because you couldn’t watch your cartoons, I would have to give you 15 or 20 minute warnings, not five because that wasn’t enough”. Like autism red flag mom geez!
And during this conversation I was trying to find an in into mentioning that I though I might be autistic so I say " oh and I used to love lining up my hotwheels too right?" She said yes. WHAT??? Glad autism awareness is growing nowadays but I’m still shocked I got this far undetected, I’m like the batman of autism.