Well, it is obviously a special military operation to denazify and demilitarise the terrorist militia of other country, because it threatens peace and security. /s

Seriously, isn’t this like called a war declaration or something? If you bomb another country and move in troops and kill civilians?

I sincerely appreciate your response, thank you! I think it matters a lot to me that I’m not alone with this and that it will change (I’m sure it will also change for me, goddammit).

For me it definitely is an open question of integration vs. letting other people know I’m autistic. Rn only a selected number of people know, but it definitely is an unsolved problem for me if I want to be more open with this part of my identity. In the end it is a bit like what you said, that then people can also understand one better and won’t wonder ‘why is this guy behaving weirdly?’

Listening is definitely a great skill as well - I want to become a psychotherapist, so that will kinda become my source of income :) Always good to cultivate this skill though!

Actually now that I think of it, maybe I’ve neglected it a bit. Listening for me is something I claim to be able to do well, and something where I can use the autistic part of my identity well. And also that brings me to a thought. We all like and love people who can listen well and who will be there for you. I know that a few years ago, I read Carnegie’s “How to make friends and influence people” (honestly, how I didnt realize back then already that I was autistic is beyond me), but the main message of the book is that people like other people who listen. And listening to other people actually made me friends with a lot of other people. Being focused and attentive and going deep into a subject is an area I can perfectly integrate my hyper fixation and care for details, while also making the other person feel appreciated. Of course, there needs to be a fine line, but now that I think of it - I don’t feel connected going to a large party, I feel connected sitting next to a friend and listening him talking about his breakup. That’s what gives me a feeling of being part of the party, because that’s a party I choose and a party I can be damn good at.

In the last few years however it feels that I’ve neglected this a bit; it feels to me that I don’t really listen how I did earlier. I’m gonna reflect on why that’s the case, and maybe I’ll reread Carnegie. But I have the feeling that maybe, just maybe, this is connected to my feeling of feeling left out. Maybe I don’t only feel left out from the others, but also left out from myself, because I no longer practice the craft and art of listening like I did earlier.

I’ll need to reflect upon it, a lot. But thank you for the input! I sincerely appreciate it. Maybe I’ve written a lot of dumb stuff down, but at least I’ve a new thought to go with, and that’s already worth a lot. Thank you!

That’s actually a thought I had myself for a long time and on which I’d love to elaborate a bit more.

In psychotherapy (and CBT especially), there is a model where our thoughts create our feelings. Epictetus wrote two thousand years ago that “not the events make us suffer, but our judgment of them”. I think that’s an interesting approach, but I also think there are strong limitations. Some example can be obvious - like when a person is hungry, it wouldn’t be a good idea to tell a person " you’re suffering because you think you shouldn’t be hungry", but some can also be a bit less obvious. E.g. I am part of the queer community and sometimes get catcalled on the street. I could argue with myself now that I “make myself upset” about it and I create unnecessary suffering in my head, but that would to some extent shift the creator of the hurt they caused onto me. Like I would try to convince myself that part of the reason why I’m hurt is because I have the belief I shouldn’t be hurt by them catcalling me, and I think that’s a very dysfunction approach.

I think what heavily matters is how much I do suffer. If someone would catcall me and I’d grab a gun and kill the person, that would hardly be proportional. In this case, I would definitely at least to some extent have cognition’s which contribute to my suffering in a way which is avoidable.

Coming back on to the topic, what I’m interested in is where “the line” of an appropriate emotional response would be for me. I feel excluded and don’t really belong; I think that’s to some extent true, and it’s also okay that I don’t feel good about it. However, how much is appropriate? Should I just feel a bit isolated? Should I be sad now and then? Should I cry myself into bed every night?

The point for me is connected with the question how I should proceed. I absolutely feel the pressure to conform to society. But how much pressure (and suffering from not abiding) is appropriate? And is the amount of pain and sadness I feel extremely high? If yes, then I probably at least have some influence on a part of the suffering. If not, I risk trying to convince myself that I shouldn’t be sad feeling excluded and lonely, and that it isn’t that bad, etc.

Tl;dr - do I create the suffering myself or do is it a normal response of my psyche, and it would be self-hurting to convince myself that I create this suffering myself?

Thank you! Relating and understanding already helps me a lot. In the end it just means that I am not really broken, because if a lot of people relate to my feeling we can’t all be broken, yk?

Thank you a lot! I know on a rational level as right that I’m not broken, that I’m just different. My psychology knowledge also helps a lot here, because I can contextualize my personal disorder into a more “neutral” framework and know why I feel the way I do. It sucks a lot though if basically every person I know at least to some extent goes to partys and concerts and have drinks and watch series with their friends, and for me the greatest joy is to sit next to a river and read a book. This huge difference between what I like vs what a lot of my friends like is draining.

It helps me a lot to know that I’m not alone with my experiences, and that it gets better after uni + a few years of growing older. The fact that someone can relate to my feeling makes me feel less alone and somehow validated. Thank you!

I am a bit late to the party, but I still wanted to give in my impression because I didn’t see it mentioned by anyone else yet.

I think for me, it feels extremely overwhelming. I feel myself shutting down, speaking becomes basically impossible. Luckily I can still write on my phone, albeit with huge effort, so I can somehow communicate with other people. I only meltdown when I’m in a safe space, but I also remove myself when I notice it gets too much. This feeling of “it becomes too much” is difficult to describe, but it feels like an inner shaking and rumbling. A bit like a volcano. For me personally, this is an unmistakable sign that I need to get out of a situation right now. I do not know if I’m able to go beyond this rumbling sign and not meltdown, and I’m not really keen on trying so. I presume that it would probably depend on the situation, on my resources and the context.

I think the most surprising thing about it is that some very deep part of me likes the feeling of a meltdown. It is difficult to describe why, especially because a meltdown isn’t fun or relaxing in any way. For me however it feels like a huge power which I am absolutely not able to control in any way, so I can just let myself go in some sense. I don’t have to try and function anymore, nor do I have to behave in a certain way; instead I can just let myself happen. It is a very deep unity with myself and my needs. That doesn’t mean at all that I try to have meltdowns; usually after one my day is done for, I’m basically just existing, my head hurts and I feel absolutely exhausted.

In terms of communicating, I’d advise you to prepare some cards beforehand with phrases you might need (e.g. “I need a dark room”, “Please stay here”, " Could you bring me some water" etc.) Just common things you might want to say. Then you won’t have to struggle with saying or writing, but can just pick a card.

I would love to finish this comment with a reminder that the way you, I and we experience and feel the world is valid and okay. Having a meltdown and e.g. struggling to communicate during one isn’t anything we need to feel bad and ashamed about.

While you may have the right to call yourself what you want, you shouldn’t use it in an “us” context. At least I wouldn’t be okay with it.

I have to fight the urge to start a debate if trains or ships are cooler

That’s enough internet for today

Me too!

This is really valuable advise. I’m 20 at this point, and (after therapy) I’m looking back and realizing now much self-acceptance and connection with your own emotion shape the way I perceive the world. I’m really glad that I started this young, and for people who live in a country where psychotherapy is covered by healthcare - there are usually offers of a short psychotherapy (in Germany it’s called Kurzzeitherapie, short-term therapy) which will in my opinion as a psychology student will benefit every person.

France at last place?! Viva LA revolution!

You and your work are amazing :)

One of my classmates did the Hitler salute and exclaimed “Heil Hitler” - an expression which is (rightfully) penalized in Germany, where I live.

The guy was a son of our local police officer.

He didn’t got expelled, but he had a very stern talk with our school director. I presume that it was made clear to him that if this ever happens again, he’s out. From what I heard last, in the last few years he was really ashamed of what he did when he was younger. I sincerely hope he is doing okay now - he got into the police, and people like him who recognize that being right isn’t cool are needed.

Coincidentally my school is in Dessau; our city is well-known for producing Zyklon B, a lethal gas used in KZs across Germany, and a “case of sudden self-igniting” of a migrant called Oury Jalloh in a police cell. Obviously all the camera footage of that cell randomly broke down, there was blood found in the dining room and the guy didn’t have anything to lit himself on fire with. But that all obviously is just a coincidence ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Not a good city to do the Hitlers salute in (if there ever was any, which - surprise - doesn’t), tbh.

We met in college. We are in the same class, and just sat together.

Funnily, I wanted to organize a D&D round, so I texted in the common class group if anyone was interested. No one publicly replied, and she felt sad for me - so she texted me privately and told me that she hopes someone answered me. That’s how we began texting and talking.

I think that’s a cute story :)

That is true only to some extent. Frances Wright, who admittedly lived later than Washington (1795-1852), was one of the most vocal public abolitionists in the USA to the extent of my knowledge. Specifically, she was a feminist and abolitionist. Both she and Jefferson were Epicureans and knew the sources well, but she drew other, more ethical, conclusions, and supported the fight for abolition.

It is important to keep in mind that she was living later than Jefferson, and thus had access to different sources than he did. However, her example demonstrates that it was not impossible, even back then, to recognize that owning slaves was wrong and unethical. While I agree that it was typical for the elites to do it regardless, I want to emphasize that the sources to recognize that slavery was wrong were already there. Many people simply chose to ignore it.

Thus my stance is that it definitely was a sign of the times that it was widespread, I think the defining feature of the time was that people chose to ignore ethical conclusions. It isn’t just a sign of the time that people kept slaves - it was sign of the time that people chose to keep slaves even though they could’ve recognized that it was wrong and unethical.

I hope my point is understandeable. Just adding my two cents :)

Very interesting article! Thank you for sharing it.

No, that would be socialism!!1!!! No socialism in 'Murica!!1!!!1!

Thank you for your reply! I will think about the first point. I didn’t consider that second homes tend to increase property values in the area - that’s a valid point.

I disagree with your second paragraph. When you rent a house at its price, aka only and exactly the price for electricity, water, and repairs of the building, I don’t see any exploitation in it because you effectively aren’t making any profit from the person living there.

However, I’m replying from a German standpoint. I presume that in the USA, the situation is different and in an advanced stadium of dystopican capitalism, so probably my thoughts aren’t fully applicable.

Thank you for replying! I appreciate it.