KingJalopy

Yeah I definitely thought that comment would do better but I’m only half joking as obviously you seem to know

They can recognize faces actually. They know you from other people. My wife and I had one living in our lamp between our recliners for about 6 months. They’re super awesome.

That penis envy strain is no joke

Mom divorced my abusive alcoholic father and married a man from England. I was 14 but she figured I had the maturity to know it would be ok if I stayed with him instead of moving to England with her and my brother. I was angry at her because I was 14 and dumb. She left me in the US and gave me no end of guilt for making my choice once a grew up a bit and realized I made a mistake. Once she and her husband moved back to Oklahoma I took a position in California and now I’m guilted for that at the age of 42 because she can’t see my daughter whom she never bothered to spend anytime with anyway because of her constant depression about having married another different kind of abusive man.

My bad, that’s my kink.

I was alive in the 80s and 90s. I prefer now. I’m nostalgic for those times but I don’t prefer them.

I’m sitting in my air conditioned house, watching not one, but 2 HD screens, one of which is playing cheers because I love that show and I can watch it all I want anytime I want. The other is my phone which is a absolute miracle of human achievement allowing me access to the sum of the worlds knowledge which I’m currently using to look at funny shit that amuses me. Also I didn’t move a finger to say any of that. I just said it and it typed it for me, correcting most of my mistakes. And you, who are reading this, might be literally anywhere on this planet right now. I also used my phone to order my food which was promptly brought to my home for my enjoyment.

The world certainly has a lot of shit aspects but on the whole, we are living in amazing times right now for those of us fortunate enough to be in a safe country.

Name brands only matter to me when it comes to chips, soda, cereal bars (like nutri-grain), and shampoo. Maybe some others I’m not thinking of. But drugs are def not on that list. The only time I ever requested name brand drugs was when I got a script for Klonopin I didn’t need back when I was an addict and only because I thought it would be cool to have the pills with the little K cut out of the middle, because like I said, addict.

It might seem difficult, but it’s never too late to go back to school as a 40 year old in your underwear! We believe you in you! Even if you don’t make it I’ll bet you end up with some kind of certificate or cool title…

That’s fine YouTube kids Elsa gate shit right there

I got told the other day by all my friends they’re called slides and I’m wrong for calling them flip flops. They told me flip flops go between your toes and I said no, those are thongs. Then they said no, those go between your ass checks. I quit arguing at that point.

That might be the worst riddle I’ve ever riddled

I’m sure the water put it out.

Looks like it can run doom

Either way you gonna wake up wondering what year it is and tryna figure out where the fuck you are.

NoWMDJ

The idiots are taking over

NOFX

Yo dawg…

Dungeon crawler Carl vibes.

They’re doing it wrong I think