Maybe your employer will accept a statutory declaration instead of a doctor’s certificate. Mine does.

Humans can grow up to eight feet. Most of them only grow posthumously, hence the expression, “six feet under.”

Explanation:

Gending Machine

“What creature walks on four legs in the morning, two at noon and three in the evening?”

A kobold. In the morning it scurries around on all fours, trying to get everything in order before its master wakes up. At midday, it stands at attention before its master. By the evening, it gets tired and leans on its tail a bit.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.

One day I’m going to play an asexual bard, just to subvert expectations.

Rocs fall, everyone dies

Did he collapse from seeing the rainbow roundabout?

That only creates bland food.

He couldn’t put the book down.

Baldur’s Gate 3 explains it best (NSFW): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW846h6FyU4#t=20215s

I’ve always said that druids have the most horny potential.

What kind of pencil did Shakespeare use? 2B or not 2B?

I’ve always assumed it’s Gabe Newell getting revenge for all the fat jokes he’s endured.

For the confused: tooth hurty

What do you call a woman with one artificial leg?

Peg.

That’s why I married a zealot barbarian.

Me too. The material component could be tricky, though!

She also has wings, making her immune to all melee attacks from non-flying creatures.