• schnokobaer@feddit.org
      321·
      22 days ago

      Funny how there’s always a completely moot discussion about wiping techniques or bidets when the real issue with people having to wipe 20 times is almost always diet.

      If you think that’s bullshit go ahead and buy a small (for testing) pack of psyllium husk, consume two table spoons a day (in water or on top of a meal) and witness yourself becoming One-Sheet-Shane on the throne in 3 days.

      • shades@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        81·
        22 days ago

        witness yourself becoming One-Sheet-Shane on the throne in 3 days.

        <afterChipotlewayComercial>

        ¡Not everybody’s got a Golden Asshole, Kyle!

      • Python@programming.dev
        51·
        22 days ago

        Psyllium Husk tastes like dirt, try Inulin instead. It’s basically tasteless and does the exact same thing.

  • SuspiciousUser@lemmy.mlEnglish
    34·
    21 days ago

    Obligatory bidet comment. You don’t have to wipe like you’re trying to get peanut butter out of carpet. All shits become the same with a bidet, whether a short sticky stoagie or a hot wet mess of diarrhea. Imagine trying to clean a mud snowman off your driveway with a pressure washer. It can do anything.

      • SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        11·
        21 days ago

        Tl;dr: too much pressure can result in an unwelcome “deep clean”, not recommended as a surprise.

        You really have to limit the pressure to the bidet. We ultimately installed a little in-line valve but raw dogged it initially. I thought I’d be fine. “It has a dial,” I thought to myself, “I just won’t crank it up all the way.” I’m an idiot.

        The next time I was really sick was when it happened. I was little kid sick, the kind of sick where you’re feverish, nauseated, and delirious, barely able to function, yet still have to drag yourself through the house and half-assedly slap your arms at things until they work, just to fulfill basic functions like drinking water and using the toilet. A toilet with a bidet.

        I had just finished power blasting the porcelain for the umpteenth time and I wanted nothing more than to wash it away and ooze back into bed. I gathered all my willpower to swing an unwilling appendage over and twist the knob, but I twisted much too far and my aim… my aim was perfect. Bullseye.

        In martial arts, they teach you not just to strike your target, but to strike through your target. The bidet didn’t just blast my anus, it blasted through my anus. If we were at the fair, my bidet would have popped the balloon and taken home the big bear. My wife claims she heard me cry out a high-pitched “eeeep!”, but I don’t remember it. I just remember shock and confusion as I pawed at the bidet knob. The bidet had slammed its way straight to home plate and beyond, on to the “fifth base” of legend.

        I ordered a valve online that day and installed it as soon as I was able. Never again, not without intent, preparation, and a safe word.

  • blind3rdeye@lemm.ee
    171·
    22 days ago

    Bidet is the way, for sure. Butt if you don’t have access to that, and you are unfortunately enough to have a messy shit, I suggest spitting on the toilet paper (and give it an extra fold so that it doesn’t tear).