The house next door to me is going up for sale soon and I’d like to delay that process as much as possible. What would be the most annoying music I could play when prospective buyers are next door?
Alright. Y’all ever hear about the shaggs?
A dad was told by a fortune teller that his yet-unborn kids were destined for musical stardom. After that, the dad had no choice but to force his eventual kids into a band.
These kids had no musical training. No sense of rhythm, no sense of pitch.
Their released music is the auditory equivalent of a child’s crayon drawing hung on the fridge. It’s astoundingly disjointed. It’s all wrong. Frank Zappa said they’re better than the Beatles. SOMEONE out there likes screamo. Some folks out there like bagpipes. Then what happens? Your neighbor loves blasting screamo. You’ve played yourself. Unless Frank Zappa is moving in, you’d be hard pressed to find a potential buyer that like the shaggs.
When German people go to hell, or skiing, they are forced into little tents, served shitty overpriced beer, and are subject to repeated blows to their ears by a type of parasitic earworm whispered fearfully only in dark circles as “schlagermusik”.
Once exposed to it, it eats into their brain and gets behind their eyeballs, forcing them to wear manic grins, and tap tables to the weak, incoherent, barely thought out beats drumming mercilessly into what’s left of their soul.
Oktoberfest?
Let him who hath understanding
Reckon the Month of the Beast
For it is a Human Month…
Years after leaving the German part of Switzerland I still get A!-tem!-los! in my head out of nowhere sometimes :(
Oo-la-pa-loo
Reggae can be fun, especially to dance to, but when heard through a wall, you mostly hear the bass and all reggae has the same bass track. It’s almost comical, like that beat is a requirement of the genre. After hours of reggae you’ll wanna smash that stereo.
There’s always the risk that people who visit the house next door are into whatever annoying music you’re playing and end up moving there and blasting it for the rest of your life
Regeaton and Trap 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
I would feel mostly meh about reggaeton if it wasn’t the one and only thing everyone ever hears in a 300km radius of where I live. It’s frankly sad that Latin America, having so much creativity and diversity in culture, ended up with such talentless noise as the absolutely dominant genre.
It’s literally inescapable and an entire generation already only listens to reggaeton. It’s lazy and unpleasant, combined with a completely commercial mindset.
I’m a huge fan of southamerican rock, and sadly is true that it has been drawn by that misogynistic shit.
But bands like Los 3 are still live and so many people still hear them, there is hope.
This is not a judgement of the musical genre and I think it’s way more profound and expressive than the average commodified pop music we have. However, I remember making a report about the history of music (for an arts appreciation class in college) and I ended the report with some Japanoise (a genre of noise music) like this one:
The teacher was really delighted, but my classmates were like “WTF?”
EDIT: Reworded some confusing sentence construction
Baby Shark
I was thinking this one, thanks!
I mean honestly through a wall the only annoying music is thumpy bass with a big subwoofer. Unless you’re playing it suuuuuuper loud.
They’ll be looking at the backyard for this property so walls not needed. There’s only about 6 feet that will separate their property from my Bluetooth speakers.
Then kids bop.
Every Christmas song ever.
“Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney is the worst song of all time and I’m willing to die on this hill
I submit that these songs aren’t necessarily terrible but terribly overplayed to the point that they’re painful.
I swear half of Mariah Carey’s fortune is Christmas songs alone.
Also the whole “Boomers spent their entire lives and our entire lives trying to re-live their own childhood Christmases,” since the majority of original Christmas songs are from that period.
Also some people love Christmas music so this could backfire.
Play banana phone on repeat 24/7 at max volume
Reggaeton
This is the one, OP. Enjoy it while it lasts, some day this stuff will be restricted by treaty inshallah.
You need to look up Komar & Melamid. They did market research art, and they commissioned “The Least Favorite Song” after a survey that showed the least favorite features of songs. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_People’s_Choice_Music#The_Most_Unwanted_Song
If it won’t get you in trouble, throw some cheap lawn ornaments up as well. Maybe get creative with loose hubcaps.
No HOA thankfully. I’d paint my house with big, veiny, throbbing dicks if I thought it’d do the trick.
I’ll raise “Sales Call Abyss”, a hold music made for torturing telemarketers if you have access to your work’s phone exchange
